G-2LCWV30QZ8 Facing Racial Fear: Conversations for Change - TonyTidbit: A Black Executive Perspective

Episode 136

Published on:

23rd Apr 2024

Facing Racial F.E.A.R.S-Conversation for Change

Episode Title: Facing Racial F.E.A.R.S-Conversation for Change

Episode Audio Link: https://podcast.ablackexec.com/episode/facing-racial-f-ears-conversation-for-change

Episode Video Link:

Hello and welcome to A Black Executive Perspective Podcast ! Today, Tony Tidbit discusses the topic of racial fear and how it divides us and hinders personal growth. The conversation explores the roots and impact of racial fears, the stereotypes they foster, and strategies to break down these barriers.

▶︎ In This Episode

00:00 Introduction: Overcoming Racial Fears

10:24 False Evidence Appearing Real: Challenging Stereotypes

31:13 Challenging Stereotypes: Merit and Opportunity

42:56 The Power of Knowledge

51:42 The Impact of Words and Media

01:02:28 The Fear of Becoming a Minority

01:10:15 Everybody looked at me

01:18:21 Talking to children about race

01:26:17 The role of white individuals in combating racism

01:34:05 Confronting racist behavior

01:42:19 Overcoming racial fear

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Welcome to a Black Executive Perspective podcast. In today's episode, we're kicking off our informative two -part series, How to Overcome Your Racial Fears. Today, we'll dive into dismantling the false evidence appearing real about race that divides us and hinders our personal growth. Here's part one.

It's very uncomfortable to talk about race. It's not something... It's not something I do. I am feeling apprehensive because I think there's a lot of reasons why I feel like I should be able to talk about race. I don't want to say anything.

Uh, you know, that would offend anyone. It's a very touchy subject. It's still difficult, even if you feel like you're on the right side of it to, you know, to have a dialogue about it. Especially for white people because we don't want to see if the racism that we may be holding onto. I don't know. Maybe I am racist.

I certainly don't like to think that I am. And I think that's too, because the perception in this society, perception of a racist is, is a guy in a row. We'll discuss race and how it plays a factor and how we didn't even talk about this topic because we were afraid. A Black Executive Perspective. Welcome to a Black Executive Perspective podcast, a safe space where we discuss all matters related to race, especially race in corporate America. I'm your host.

Tony tidbit. So I have to say that I can definitely relate to the individuals you just heard from regarding their fears when it comes to talking about race. How do I know? Because I was afraid to talk about race. So today I'm going to tackle the topic of racial fear, a silent force affecting society and personal views.

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I'll explore its roots, impact on communities, and the uncomfortable truths it brings to everyday life and systemic issues. I will examine how racial fears divide us, challenge the stereotypes that it fosters, and share strategies to break down these barriers, aiming for a future filled with empathy and inclusion. First, I want to thank our great hosts,

WNHU 88 .7 on the Richter scale. We're here in their podcast room. These are our partners, so I'm really excited to be here. And I'm here with my boy, JJ Dioncio. Dioncio. Dioncio. Excuse me, JJ. I butcher people's names all day long. Don't worry about it. So you're part of the family now because I butchered your name, right? I'm glad.

So I'm real excited to be here with JJ. He's behind the glass making all this happen. And hey, again, we talked about this before. We have some new partners, Code M Magazine, whose mission is to save the black family by saving the black man first. So definitely check out our partners, Code M Magazine dot com. So. JJ, you think we're ready to talk about it? I think we're ready to talk about it. All right, buddy, let's talk about it. Now, fear has something that.

all human beings deal with. It's something that we grow up with, right? And so I'm not just here to talk about racial fear. First, we got to understand what is fear and how it affects us. So let's dive into what is fear first. I know a lot about fear. I've experienced a lot of fear. And today I'd like to share some of my experiences with you and also just talk about fear.

as well the illusion of fear, the fear that we put into the universe and that we live in as an existence. This is your brain. When you experience fear in your brain, this little blue area, your sensory cortex, fires up and immediately tries to decide, is this a real fear? If it is a real fear, then your amygdala jumps in to protect you. It's like a man in your corner. It instantly floods your brain with these chemicals that put you in a fight or flight. That's the real...

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value and the real need for our fear reflex. It's there to protect us from serious threats. The beauty of that or the non -beauty of that is all of those memories are then stored in your amygdala. So if you saw a poisonous snake and it almost bit you, you're going to have a little mark there in your brain going, avoid poisonous snakes, they will kill you. That's what the fear response is for. And so what most people don't realize about fear is fear

slowly begins to control your life when you don't understand what it is. So true, so true. So I want to thank Frank Shamrock, who broke down fear. Right. And again, I can relate to it. Let me tell you guys a story. So growing up in Detroit, Michigan, you know, in my early years, we used to go to church. And when I was at church, being a kid, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 14,

One of the things going to a Baptist church, Christian church, is that, you know, the pastor, and not just this one church, every church I've been to from a Christian standpoint, used to talk about homosexuality and about how, you know, the LGBTQ community was wicked and, you know, they were evil and they were going to hell and, you know, all these negative things about the gay community.

Now this is in the church, okay? So when you sit there with the pastor and the pastor has the Bible and he's going to Sodom and Gomorrah and all these things and how it's unholy and all these things, you believe that, right? And you know, so that's the only reference point that you have, at least I had when it came to the gay community. So hearing that year in and year out from a young,

you know, from grade school into my high school years. And then when I was 17, I went to the military. I was in the army. I was in basic training. And one day, and anybody who's been in the military knows that you, what KP is. I had KP duty. Franklin, report to blah, blah, blah. So I went over to the mess hall and the guy, the sergeant that I had to report to was gay.

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Now people could say, how do you know he was gay? No, he was gay, openly gay. And back when Bill Clinton came up with the, I think it was in 96, don't ask, don't tell, stop. They were gay people already in the military. All right, flat out. Okay. So, so my man was gay. Okay. And I remember him telling me, you know, Franklin go over here and, and, and, um, I think I had to wash the dishes. I can't remember, but this is what I do remember back to what Frank Shamrock talked about.

The amygdala, that memory, it heightened. I was there, frightened, scared to death, thinking that this gay individual was going to attack me. Afraid. I had no reference points, never. He talked about the snake biting somebody, right? Nobody attacked me from the gay community. But because I was told that, over and over again,

And that my reference point is he talked about that memory popped up. Okay. And then immediately I became afraid. All right. And, and here's the kicker. So, okay. This was a gay black guy, which really doesn't matter. But just to give you a point, it didn't matter. He was black. What matter was he was gay and all the negative stereotypes that I heard about gay people came to the forefront. And I thought that

I wasn't going to make it out of there talking about being uncomfortable. All right. So think about that for a second. You know, I was afraid of something that I never experienced, but because people told me about it over and over again, I took it as the gospel. And when that when I faced that individual, I didn't face that individual based on what he did to me or his character or.

None of that. It was based on a stereotype. It was based on innuendo. Right? And because of that and because I believed it, the illusion that Frank Shamrock talked about, I was afraid. So think about that for a second. How is this different than somebody who grows up in a community? There's no diversity. Right? There's all white people around them. That's all they see.

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And they learn about people of color, and I'm going to say black people specifically, from maybe their parents, their friends, the media, because they don't have any reference points but what people tell them. And based on what people tell them, good or bad, they will believe it. And so then when the girl goes and starts working in corporate America and then she's in the elevator,

And the elevator opens up and a black guy comes in. Based on everything that she heard, even though she's never experienced anything with an African American black person of color, whatever, but based on what she's heard, she's afraid. She grips her purse because they're criminals. And what are the other stereotypes? That's what fear does. Okay? That's what fear does. It immobilizes us.

Okay, here's the kicker though.

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majority of the stuff that we're afraid of never happens. So fear is spelled F -E -A -R. Somebody taught me this years ago. They said, Tony, fear is not F -E -A -R. Fear stands for false evidence appearing real. I'll say that again. False evidence appearing real.

Do you know, and this is research, you can look this up yourself. 85 % of the stuff that we fear never happens. It never happens. Studied by Cornell University, and there's been a million studies. It never happens. And then the other 15 % that does come to fruition, 79 % of the 15 % is stuff that people handle. And not only that,

stuff that people learn from that helps them become better. So I think the percentages in the high nineties at the stuff that we fear never happens. But it's so big to us. It seems like it's going to happen. And because of the illusion that Frank Janrock talked about, all of a sudden we make it real. Right. Let me give you a couple of other examples. So.

In South Africa, they had the apartheid system. So what you had was a smaller number of white population ruling over a majority of black people. Okay? And obviously, let's be clear, they were doing it because they thought the black people were inferior to them, all right, for years. All right? But then slowly...

The mind started changing and obviously there's a lot of people around the globe that was putting pressure on the South African government, all right, that they needed to destroy apartheid. Do you know some of the things that they used to say why they didn't want to do that? Well, if we turn the government over to them and then we're the minority, they're going to kill us.

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Because we dominated them for centuries, whatever the case may be. So as soon as they're free, they're going to destroy all of us. That never happened. Nelson Mandela came out of prison. He came to president. I believe the government, JJ was ANC governor, I think it was. Okay? And that never happened. Okay? So again, something that people talk about never came to fruition.

Right? So now, as earlier in our clip, we talked about, excuse me, those individuals spoke about why they're afraid of race. Okay? And a lot of it has to do with what we just got finished talking about. Okay? Fear, stuff of the unknown, right? So when we look at some of the dynamics of why they're afraid of people of color, some of them, I spoke to one, lack of diversity. There's not a lot of people.

of diversity of people of color that live around them, right? Lack of knowledge, okay? That makes people afraid, okay? People manipulating their fears, which we're gonna dive into. And then obviously the influence of their friends and family, the media, as well as political leaders. So let's go there, because one of the things is that you have this fear.

but then people heighten that fear. Okay? They feed your fear, right? And they do this because they want to manipulate you, especially from a political standpoint. Fear is one of the most powerful human emotions. While highly useful in situations where threat of immediate harm exists, it is the most debilitating and dangerous of emotions when present unnecessarily. In this video, we will examine how fear can be used as a tool,

to manipulate others, and how those in positions of power, past and present, have effectively used fear to control certain aspects of society. The technological advances of the last century have given those in power the ability to propagate their narratives and engage in fear -mongering to an extent never before seen in history. So think about that for a second, and let's back up, because he sets a couple things, and he's correct, but I want to back all the way up. So this is the beginning of the time.

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political leaders, dictators, whatever you want to call them, has always used fear to control people. Okay? Always. So no different in 2024 than in, you know, 1625. All right. The difference is in terms of what my friend just got finished saying is that now because of technology, they can expand it and give me a lot quicker and it can scale it.

Okay, so that's a major difference, especially when people are working. They're trying to take care of their families, go to school, whatever the case may be. They're not on top of everything, right? So now they're looking at the media, even listening to this podcast, whatever the case may be, and this is where they get a lot of their education. Now, from a political standpoint, let's be clear here, because I don't think the majority of people understand what most political figures try to do, regardless of what political platform they follow.

Their platform, excuse me, their strategy is what's called divide and conquer. And you've probably heard me say this on this podcast many a time. And when I used to do an open conversation on race in corporate America at several organizations on a weekly basis, I used to say the exact same thing. What is divide and conquer? Divide and conquer is, is we don't want to bring people together. We want to divide them because when we can divide them,

we can control them. Alright, so let's just be clear here. I want you to take a second and be honest. I learned this a long time ago. The mind is like an umbrella. It only works when it's open. So right now I'm asking everybody to open your mind. I don't care what you feel about race or what the case may be. Are you wasting your time Tony? What are you talking about? Whatever, but just for a second. Just everybody be objective for a second.

When you listen to political leaders today.

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Think it through. How many times are you here? I'm here to bring you together. We need to do this together. I'm here to represent all people. I'm gonna make sure that all people, all right, we're gonna compromise. Not everybody's gonna get what they 100 % want, but we're gonna come together to make this town, county, city, state, country better. You don't hear that. What you hear is those people are trying to take stuff from you. Those people are crooked.

Those people lazy, those people this, those people that. Divide and conquer. That's what that means. Now, here's the kicker. Is that at the end of the day, again, the mind is umbrella. It only works when it's open. When you work at a company and the CEO is in charge of the company, no different than the senator, the congressman.

representing people of that district. Your CEO represents people of his company or her company. Okay. Now, if the CEO in their all hands meeting was saying those people in engineering are trying to steal from you or those people are marketing, we can't trust them or those people in shipping. You know what? They're shipping stuff all over the place. We got to get rid of them. Would that CEO still be working at that company?

Does that CEO have the interests of everybody in the company so that the company can thrive and become great? No, and that CEO would be fired. Okay, would be fired. But when it comes to political figures, oh, they sing in the gospel. Oh, they really have my interest, which makes no sense. Again, the mind is like an umbrella, only works when it's open.

Here's somebody I think JJ the average I could have this wrong the average Congressman US congressman makes a hundred and something thousand dollars a year I Think so the compensation for most senators representative delegates and resident commuter from oh wait, that's from Puerto Rico No, it don't matter. All right, you just don't look at oh, no. Yeah, it's 174 grand hundred seventy four thousand some of them make more than that. Okay, think about that

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And then obviously speaking engagements, all these other types of stuff that they have going on. So, you know, they make a pretty nice penny. You in your community, okay, in which we'll get into these numbers, you're making $50 ,000 a year household. Okay, maybe, maybe 60. What a case may be. Okay. This person is telling you not to vote for healthcare. Okay. Because they're going to steal it from you and they're doing this. But at the same time,

You ain't been to the dentist, you can't afford healthcare. You got one tooth and you're trying to keep that one tooth clean. All right, but this person who's making a hundred and some thousand, 200 ,000 got federal benefits. Be clear, federal benefits. And they're telling you, this group is trying to steal something from you. So don't vote for it. How does that person have your interests at heart? Doesn't make sense, right?

They're trying to manipulate you based on fear. Okay, so that's really the key here is the manipulation using fear, right? But we're going to dive into it because how does that fear grow? Fear is like a brick wall. Every time you turn away from that fear, you place another brick on that wall. Every time you say, no, I can't do that. No, that's too much.

Every time you turn away, you place another brick on that wall, the wall begins to strengthen, the wall gets stronger. But this wall is all in your mind. If you don't place that brick, the wall doesn't exist. Every time you take a step forward, the wall crumbles. The only power in the wall is you placing the bricks, you doing the fears. So true, buddy. Thanks, Frank. Frank, hit. So you think about it for a second. Okay?

is that our fears, going back to my story, I was putting a brick on that wall every time based on what I learned about the gay community. Okay. And I just kept putting a brick there. The brick just kept adding and adding and that fear became bigger, bigger, bigger. And this is what we do. Think about it for a second. We have never, ever, ever,

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had open and honest conversations when it comes about race. Talking about putting a wall on the southern border, we've already got a wall, okay? Not only on the southern border, on every border in the United States, in our mind about our fellow Americans because they look different than us. We put that fear and we have that wall in our head because we keep adding to it.

People help us, but at the end of the day, to be fair, it's our fault because we just keep believing stuff. Like I said, 90 % of the stuff that you fear never happens. Right? So think about this for a second. How do I want everybody to just, again, mine is an umbrella. When you, if you're married,

Boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, sister, co -worker. Is there any other? Did I miss something, JJ? I think that covers everybody, right? I said brother, sister, mother, father. I think that's right, right? Human being. Human being, thank you. Ice cream truck, retail clerk. When you have a conflict, right? Let's just keep it at home. When you have a conflict between you and your wife,

or you and your boyfriend, or you and your brother and sister, or brother and brother, or sister and sister, right? You guys are angry, you're upset, somebody wanted to go left, the other person wants to go right. How do you solve that conflict? Through communication, right? You communicate, you guys sit down, you talk about it, you listen to the other person's point of view, right? They listen to your point of view, and then you come up with...

I'm sorry, I didn't think it, I didn't know that, I was upset or you know what, my bad or thank you for sharing because now I got a better understanding and then you mend the relationship. Well think about this for a second. We have never, ever, ever, for centuries, talked about race. So how do we think that is going to get any better?

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I just gave you plenty of examples that how you mend relationships is through communication. But when it comes to race, we don't communicate. So how does it get better? And the way we do communicate about race is we talk around it or other people talk around it for us from a group standpoint. And when you talk about race from a group standpoint, then you don't see the humanity.

in an individual of that group. Right? So there's no connection. There's nothing. So trust me, how would it get better? It won't. It hasn't. Yeah, there's certain things that have happened. You know, black people now are this and Asian people are that and this and that. But really, and talking about understanding one another, really understanding what another person goes through, really having a deep empathy of what they deal with. Right?

Trying to help the other person become better. No, that doesn't happen because we don't talk about it, right? That brick that continues to pile up in our head and people manipulate us on it. It continues to grow and we continue to move further apart. And here's the thing. People think that we're closer. Oh, they, we were together. We were never together. We may work in companies. We may go to school.

There are some friends, but most of it is surface stuff. Okay. As soon as something comes up consequential, that's deeper than it's divide and conquer again, then they do this and they do that. And we got to get past that. Right? We got to get past that. So look, let's go through some of the things, those bricks that have been built up in your mind.

when it comes to people of color, right? What's some of the things that people talk about that amplify your fears and make you feel afraid, right? They're gonna take your job. Okay? They're gonna, so again, mine is like an umbrella. Only works when it's open.

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When have you seen just just from a broad standpoint somebody come in and take your job You have a job you're working in your job when when has the doors open say guys guess what get out We're bringing these new people in When does that happen? Okay It doesn't Think about it for a second. How they taking number one. How is uh, and again, i'm gonna be straight here

Why do white people think they're entitled to all the jobs?

Who said it's your job? Listen, I'm just, again, we're going to have an open and honest conversation. Who said it's your job? You're afraid of jobs that's not even created yet, but you think it's your job. Where does that come from? That makes no sense, right? What's some of the other things? All right. Afraid, we talked about LGBTQ community. They're killers.

They're gonna rape you. Stop for a second. When have you ever seen, and look, maybe it's possible. Because that's the thing with anything. Anything is possible, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. Exactly. At all. Exactly. Well, here's the thing. Let me ask you, have you heard this happen? When have you heard that a group of gay people raped somebody? I've never read that. I've never seen it.

And thinking about, go ahead buddy, as a member of the LGBT community, I'm not doing that. My friends aren't going to do that. Wait a minute, stop for a second. Who does it? All right. I have never heard anybody do it. It's purely just building up that fear. It's fear. They're telling you that. Now, guess what? There is a group of people that rape people, but that's in jail, in the shower. And I can tell you flat out, they ain't from the LGBTQ community.

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At least they don't think so. Okay. So what? Where is this stuff happening? Well, they're going to influence it. They're indoctrinating, blah, blah, blah. I don't want them around my kids because then stop for a second. Gay people have been on the planet since the planet spinning. Where have you seen this big indoctrination? I'm missing something. All right. Maybe, maybe, look, maybe, maybe I'm under a rock. Well, because a lot of people.

that are filled with this hate towards this community and this fear towards this community more than it. It's definitely more out of fear. They're just seeing, they pull up these numbers that now X amount, more and more youth are identifying as part of this community and they think that's because of this big scary indoctrination. But it's not that, it's just now as young people,

we're getting introduced to these concepts, so now we're able to express ourselves and how we actually feel. You could compare this to the rise of left -handedness. When being left -handed became destigmatized, there was a huge uptick in people who were left -handed, and then it flattened out. It's gonna be that same thing. Well, here's the thing, though. You're 100 % right. I'll even add further to it, because I'm a little older than you. Okay?

Back in the 60s, when people were letting their, white people were letting their hair grow long, okay, and they were smoking marijuana. It was the hippie movement, okay? They're hippies, they're gonna indoctrinate, they're gonna take over the world. When did that happen? When did it happen? It doesn't, it's in your head. And people manipulate you, knowing that it ain't true.

so they can divide and conquer us, right? A friend of mine taught me this, my boy Ryan Webb. Ryan Webb said, people think there's a zero sum game. The fear of losing something that you don't have, right? Well, if we let them get this job, then I ain't gonna have nothing. I'm missing something here, okay? When does that happen? All right, when?

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You know, so these are the things that are built up in our minds. OK, here's the other thing. Well, black people, they they they're not qualified to work on a lot of these jobs, right? They're just getting promoted because they're black, right? They don't believe in the merit system. They don't believe in working hard and then letting their hard work help them rise up.

through the corporate structure and then everything that they got, they got based on effort and merit. Okay. Let's listen to my girl. To my girl. This is a clip from Rosalind Brewer, who is the CEO, excuse me, she was the CEO of Walmart. She was only one of two African American women who became a CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

Let's hear what she says. Is it more disappointing or surprising that of all the CEOs in the Fortune 500, there are only two female African -American CEOs? Are you surprised that at this late date in our history, we only have two or disappointed? Well, I'm more disappointed than I am surprised. I'm not surprised because I know what it took for me to get here and I know the trials and tribulations that I've been through. And, you know, I'm not quite sure.

of a lot of people would want to withstand that. But I would tell you that the disappointing part is that this is just, it's totally ridiculous that there's only two of us. I think, you know, it's gonna go beyond mentoring and sponsoring. It's filling the pipeline effectively, getting people of different races in operating roles.

and having the confidence that, you know, that they can do it because they absolutely can. OK, so let's back up for a second. Rosalind Brewer, CEO of Wal -Mart, she's no longer there. Walgreens, not Walmart, I'm sorry. Walgreens. She's no longer there. OK, now she rose all the way up to CEO of a Fortune 500 company. All right. I don't think most people know the percentage of African -American.

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CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. You know JJ, do you know? Checking it right now. Yeah, I can tell you. 0 .8 %

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Okay. There are currently as of there's currently six six twenty twenty two out of five hundred. Yep. Okay. Now you just heard a woman who rose up the ranks.

What did she say? I don't think people will want to deal with what I had to deal with to get here. She could have easily said, guess what? If I made it, anybody can make it. Right? What are you talking about? What was going on? You can do this. Here's somebody that's already at the top frustrated saying, you kidding me? There's only two of us? When there's millions of people of color that's educated, that...

fit the qualifications. Where is their merit? But I can guarantee you this, I know this for a fact and I don't know Rosalind Brewer. I know this for a fact. When she became CEO of Walgreens, there were probably people saying she only got the job because she was black. Wait a minute. Why is it that when black people achieve

They only got it because they were black. It's not that they worked hard. It's not that they was the smartest or very strategic or innovative or culturally fit. None of that. But when a white person gets that job, it's about how smart they are. They're a hard worker. You don't hear, he got the job just because he was white. Right? These are the things that are

pushed in people's minds and they believe it. Now, let's be clear here. I've been in corporate America 30 something years. Okay? So let me tell you this, as a first hand experience, the majority of people who get jobs and promotions that's not based on merit is white people. Okay?

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I said it and it's true. It's white people. Okay. And here's the thing. You're listening or watching this video. Some politician in your community brought this up and says, Hey, they taking your jobs. They just promoting them. They're not doing anything. You know, they just, just doing this. But when you go to work today, when you get there, you're complaining.

About your manager saying I can't believe who hired this person. They're the stupidest people on the planet and they're white You know it you complain about it Okay, you kidding me. How did she get promoted when when oh when a woman gets promoted? Guess what white woman gets promoted. It's she must be sleeping with the boss Right, so wait a minute

I've been at companies, right? Dude, SVP, inept. VP, inept. Everybody knows it. Everybody. Get promoted. Or, still at the job. Well, he's a good old boy, so we're gonna keep him around. Stop. Stop. Again, mine is like an umbrella. Only works when it's open. I've been a hiring manager.

Okay? Stop. Don't tell me. I know. Let's be clear here. I don't think people know. The majority of people that end up working at a company, where do they come from? Do you know where they come from, JJ? I do not. I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna educate you, my brother. They come from the people who work at the company. Those are the first people that they, hey, who do you know? Be good to come in here and work. First people! It's not.

You know how many people put an application in that end up getting the job? I tell you, the percentage is small. Happens, but it's small. The majority of people who get jobs at companies is from the people who already work in the company because they vouch for them. They say, hey, my brother, I know this friend, whatever case may be. All right, so let's be clear here. And a lot of those people, some of them, some people are qualified, but the majority are not.

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And here's the thing, I've hired people that wasn't qualified. Okay? Did they check every box? No. I saw something in them that they could do the job. And guess what? I was willing to train them. I'll tell you a quick story. I worked at this startup. I was hired as a sales director. I was hired. I'm in the advertising sales industry. I was hired.

to drive digital advertising revenue for this small startup. I was hired on January 31st. I started interviewing people February 1st. I didn't know, I came from the television, the newspaper industry. I didn't know anything about digital, but guess what? The CEO and the SVP of sales, they hired me because they said, Tony, we can train you on digital, but the leadership stuff that you bring to the table is something that we don't have.

Okay, so guess what? I had to, they taught me everything. I was hiring people, I had to train them, drive revenue, hone our yards. Here's the thing, the people that I'd hired, the majority of them, I take that back, I think it was one individual, the majority of them did not come from the digital advertising community. Okay, one lady, she was selling travel brochures. Another guy was working, selling mortgages over the phone. You know, blah, blah, blah, blah.

but I saw something in them. They didn't have digital advertising sales experience. They didn't know anything about digital advertising sales. They know nothing. Okay. But then I hired them because I saw something in them and then I was willing to train them. Here's the thing. About a year later, we had a company thing and our CFO, my man David Deal, he said, he did this analysis. He said, we wanted to find out, you know, from our account executives.

Is it better to hire people that's got experience or better to hire people that don't have experience? When he did his analysis, he said, you know what we found out? The people who didn't have digital advertising experience is doing better and driving more revenue than the people that have digital advertising experience. All right? And the majority of those people that didn't was the people I hired. And that's not tootin' my own horn. My point I'm trying to make here, a lot of people...

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don't are not qualified from a check in the box standpoint. And then the people that do check the box, they don't succeed because there's more to it. So this merit thing, you got to stop it. Get it out of your head because you know, it's not true. It's not just look at your own experience at your own companies that you work at and you know, that's not true. Right? So how do we conquer fear?

Alright, let's find out JJ.

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This is the ending of part 1 on how to overcome your racial fears. Go to the next episode for part 2.

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A Black Executive Perspective.

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Here's part two of how to overcome your racial fears. Remember, keep your umbrellas open. However, despite the unnerving situation we find ourselves in, there is an antidote to the power of propaganda and fear -mongering, that being knowledge. Plato rightly stated that ignorance is the root of misfortune. And as long as we remain ignorant of the fact that all too often, those who claim to protect us from fear are actually manipulating our fears for their own benefit,

then we will be contributing to the misfortune of the world through our ignorant compliance. The philosopher Voltaire stated that those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. To avoid being an individual who can be convinced of absurdities, one must become an active truth -seeker, instead of the all -too -common passive propaganda receiver. We'll discuss race and how it plays a factor, and how we didn't even talk about this topic, because we were afraid.

a black executive perspective. I couldn't have said it any better. And my man said a lot. Okay. First, first, those that can make you believe in atrocities will make you, those who make you believe in absurdities will make you believe in atrocities. But his key was, is that to be able to conquer fear is knowledge. You need to be a truth seeker. Okay. And search.

out, right? Because the people that tell you things, the majority don't have your best interests at heart. They're for themselves, right? And they want to divide us and not bring us together. And here's the thing.

You know, when we talk about these things, if you allow yourself to be ignorant, then you're playing right into their hands and more importantly, you're not growing as an individual. So, it's all of… I think it was… Oh, my man, I forget his name. But he used to say, truth used to set you free. I think it was Flip Wilson. Truth used to set you free, right? And that's the bottom line. It's searching out knowledge. And all the stuff that I talked about thus far,

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I want you to go check out yourself. Don't believe me. Look it up. Okay, because any day, any anybody can lead you astray, but look it up. But knowledge overcomes fear. One of the things that I've learned when we talk about fear.

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Is that words paint pictures. Words paint pictures. In the beginning clip, you heard the lady says, hey, maybe I am a racist. Um, well, you know, when I think of races, I think of people with a pointy hat on or a robe, right? That's the picture in her mind when she thinks racist, right? We all do it. Okay. When I thought of that gay individual, I thought of, you know, some sex fiends.

because that was the picture that I saw in my mind based on what somebody told me and I believed. All right? So here's the thing. When it comes to black people in the United States, some of these pictures that have been painted are right from a broad brush standpoint that people believe are not true. Okay? They're not from a broad standpoint.

So some of the jobs, they're lazy. They don't want to work. Okay, now here's the thing. And hopefully you are a listener or you watch a Black Executive Perspective podcast on YouTube and you've probably seen or heard all the people that have come on as guests on our show. These people are high achievers in every endeavor. Some of them have PhDs.

Some of them are CEOs, some of them are SVPs at organizations, the whole nine yards, entrepreneurs, okay? I'm missing something here, okay? How are they lazy? They come on the show, they share their story, they could easily say, if I made it, anybody can make it. Okay, but they talk about the things that they have to go through that you don't hear from your politicians.

or the media, or whatever the case may be. Well, all black people, and I don't wanna use the word all, but when you think of drugs, who do you think of? Black people. Words paint pitches, okay? But when the opioid thing kicked off, and that was killing a lot of white people, oh, we gotta do something. Our babies are being, stop, stop. I can tell you flat out.

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Again, I've been blessed. I've been in 50, no, excuse me, 46, I was in 50 states, in the United States, not flown over them, been in them. I've met a lot of people in a lot of communities. Be clear here, the majority of drugs that happen in the United States is from white people, in white communities. Again, you know this. Kids right now, if you're 18, you, my high school,

We got drugs rampant. Yeah, when I was in high school, it was like, that was only, what, three years ago now was when I was in high school? It was terrible. I remember walking into the locker room after gym class and one of my white friends pulling out a vape and being like, yo, Jay, you want a hit? And I'm like, no, I'm good. But that's what it was. And I was from a town, it was majority white, but our school did have some diversity.

The towns very clearly like you could tell where segregation happened in my town and it's like still that way even though like technically legally it's not it sucks. It's weird, but Like I think back on it. It was all the white kids That were the ones walking around Flat out having all the stuff flat out and that's not just your community Okay, that's a lot of communities. But when again words paint pitches when you think of drugs It's black people

Okay, because that's been the stereotype that's been pushed out. Think about it for a second. When you think of drugs and people are showing you media, right? What color are the people that you see? It's always people of color. Always people of color, and specifically like darker skinned people. Flat out. Why? That's to scare you. Okay, but in these communities that there's no diversity, drugs is rampant. Okay? You don't hear that. Nobody talks about that. Okay?

Think again, the mind is like an umbrella, only works when it's open. Why would they do that? You know it, you're listening to this and you know, yeah, my high school or yeah, my town or you know, there's not a lot of stuff for the kids to do here. So yeah, they get involved in crime and they're getting wrong. And this is white communities. But again, words paint pictures. These are black, right? Education, they're dumb.

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They don't have an education. Again, all negative stereotypes that's perpetuated push to create a narrative, right, to divide and conquer, right? And then here's the other thing. And let's be fair, too. There is, it's always been a class system in every country since the beginning of the time. Rich people, poor people. That's just from a financial standpoint.

But then also within a group, there has been a class. There's a class of people that are great, and then there's always a lower class of individuals. That's just, that is real, okay? That is real, all right? So like in the Asian community, there's a class of people that go out, do their thing, blah, blah. Then there's another class of people that don't care. They don't wanna do nothing. In the Hispanic community, there's people who go out, work hard, build businesses. Oh, now y 'all, then there's a group of people that...

I don't want to do nothing. Okay? In the black community, there's people that go out, work hard, you know, do that thing, build businesses. Then there's a part of the community that do anything. Now here's the thing. Every time they show the black community or they show these other communities, right? On the media, whatever, they show the lower class people of that group and say, this is all of them.

Okay, now in the white community is no different. You got people here and you got people here. People living in trailers and I'm not knocking them. I'm just being honest. Okay. And at the end of the day, you don't see them or they're not that broad brush is not being painted on that group. But when the group, the P the POCs, when you showed their group,

You're only showing the lower class of that group. You don't show anything that the people that's thriving in that group, the majority of them and what they're doing and how they're overcoming circumstances and they're building businesses and they're striving at school and you don't show it. You just don't. But you paint this brush to make people afraid. What do you think of that, JJ? I think it's absolutely ridiculous. Do you see that? Do you see that, my friend?

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I see it not as much in like, personally, like, because I can mostly just speak on like Asian American communities because that's part of my identity. And I feel like, like, because Asian Americans for so long have been that model minority trope that they try to, sometimes they'll show the better of that, of us. They'll show the Asian Americans who are just trying to be white people.

To put it frankly, and they'll be like, oh look at them. Why don't you be like them? And that's why Like when a few years ago with this like stop Asian hate movement, that's why I felt that was so important because it was finally Asian Americans being like hey Don't like we don't want to be your model. Yes, we like we have faced oppression and we have been put down for actually expressing who we are and then I

Because I think when Asian American communities and Asian American people express who they really are, that's when then they get pushed with the group that doesn't get shown, which is what they're showing of of your black communities and your Latin and Hispanic communities, which is just so dumb because we're all people. We're all humans. We all have our different backgrounds that make us unique. And every community can do just as much as any other. So just.

intentionally showing other communities in worse light, just to then create this image that stays in people's heads, which causes them the fear. It upsets me, and I feel like I'm happy to be living now when I am, because I am seeing things get better. It's not great yet. I'm not sure when it'll be great. I'm not sure in my lifetime if it'll get there. But seeing the progress, seeing the change, that...

That's what gives me hope at the end of the day. Wow, thanks bro. Thank you. And that's the key, right? It's showing what you want to show to manipulate others. So one of the things I wanted to do, I wanted to go over because I don't think a lot. And again, this is everything that I've talked about today is not to knock my white brothers and sisters, because let's be fair, I have a lot of people of all groups that I'm very, very close with, right? But here's the thing, there's a lack of knowledge.

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And I'm just telling the truth based on my experience. There's a lack of knowledge. And this platform is to be able to talk openly, honestly about these things so people can learn from them. So one of the things I wanted to do, I want to talk about the facts about the U S black population. Okay. So this is Pew research. This came out January 18th, 2024. And here's some numbers. I just want to, I just want to give you a broader example.

% increase since:

45 % were younger than 30. Okay? So, a lot of black people that are younger. Second, where do they live at? The highest concentration of black people in the United States is in the South, where 56 % live there. Another 17 % live in the Midwest and Northeast, and 10 % live in the West. Okay? So, there's still a lot of black people that live...

in the south, but here's the other thing though too, right? So, for my brothers and sisters who live out in Montana, Idaho, Oregon, New Mexico, Nevada, South Dakota, North Dakota, there's not a lot of black people out there. So how would these people, how would that group of people know anything about black people, first only based on what people tell them?

Okay, see this is where we got to be fair here. We act like black people all over the world. They're not, excuse me, all the United States. They're not. So there's groups of people, a ton of communities that don't have that diversity when it comes to black people. So they're only gonna know what they know based on the information that they get. Okay? Now, when it comes to the states, Texas,

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is home to the largest black population of 4 .2 million. Florida comes in second and Georgia comes in third. Okay? Now, here's the thing.

I grew up in Detroit, Michigan. I lived in the neighborhood. I lived in the neighborhood that was predominantly black one time, but the majority of the time I lived in integrated neighborhoods. I lived in neighborhoods that were German people, Jewish, Polish, the whole nine years. But when I grew up, I didn't meet anybody that was from Puerto Rico until I went to the military. Now I'm not saying that there wasn't people from Puerto Rico, Puerto Rican descent.

are not living in Detroit or Michigan. I just didn't meet them, not in my neighborhood. So I didn't know anything about Puerto Rican people until I went into military. I ain't know nothing. I didn't meet somebody from Jamaica until I went into military. So I'm trying to make the same parallel here, right? You grow up where you grow up based on the people that you grow up around. And so you're only going to know what you know based on that group. So at the same time, there's a ton of people from a ton of other.

ethnic groups that I didn't have any experience with and I needed to learn from them. I'll tell you a quick story. I remember when we moved to Connecticut and my sister was dating this Jamaican guy, okay? And we were sitting in the living room. I think I had came home and I heard this, I heard a Jamaican music playing and you know, that badda badda, you know, the nice little beat was going on.

And he was sitting on the couch waiting for my sister to come downstairs. And I forget what song was on. And I looked over at him and I could see his mouth moving. And he was actually singing the Jamaican song. And I looked at him and I was like, are those real words? Okay, because I just heard ba ba da ba da. But those are real words. So.

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That was my ignorance. Because they've been around somebody from Jamaica. So it's the same thing. We got to understand that. Not every group is everywhere. And the majority of people are only going to learn about people if they expand their horizons. Household income. 49 % of black households earn less than $50 ,000. While 51 %...

make more than $50 ,000. A third of black households earn $75 ,000 or more, and 22 % make $100 ,000 or more. So wait a minute, they're criminals. They're all broke. Now, they don't have, we don't have the generational wealth, and still the average medium, just to be clear, the average medium income, household income for white people is $87 ,000. So just be clear here, okay?

So, it's deal is significant. And we're gonna dive in that on another episode, all right? About four in 10 black people live in households headed by married couples.

You don't hear that. The media wants you to believe the exact opposite. Exactly. You don't hear that. They ain't got fathers. Yeah, like that's all you hear in the media. OK. So think about that for a second. All right. It's like it's like zero out of 10. One out of 10. OK. So about what is this about from education? 26 % of all black US adults age is 25 and older.

have a bachelor's degree or higher. They're lazy.

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They just want to hang on the corner, drink 40 ounces. Okay? 32 % have completed some college without obtaining a bachelor and roughly, what's the six and 10? Graduated from high school. I have four and 10. Oh, four and 10. Thank you, buddy. Four and 10 have graduated from high school. Okay? And finally, about two thirds of all black adults basically,

J? Yes, it will. Now we're in:

fear among white people that's really driving this narrative. Okay, so let's find out what this fear is. And right now, white people are really frightened. Ben Wattenberg was a brilliant Jewish man who was a member of the American Enterprise Institute, and he wrote a book, the first paragraph of which says, the main problem confronting the United States today is there aren't enough white babies being born in this country.

He says, if we don't change this and change it rapidly, white people will lose their numerical majority in this country and this will no longer be a white man's land. Can you talk a little bit about the trauma associated with it? The trauma associated with it? One of the main traumas is living a lie, finding out the truth is traumatic. Finding out now, recently, that within 30 years, white people will be in the numerical minority in this country is going to be traumatic. White people are scared to death right now, particularly white males.

They're scared to death that they are going to lose their power in the future and they are but if you want to get ready for the future if you want to be treated well in the future treat others well in the present what we do in the present constructs the future Just a bottom line, but you see the fear This is why the major attack This is why I make America great again. This is why you hear all these things Because and that was Jane Elliott, and if you don't know Jane Elliott

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Please look her up. She's fantastic. I'll talk more about her a little later. But at the end of the day, that's the major fear here is that in 30 years, 40 years, 50, at some point, white people will be the minority of the United States. And so now, wait a minute, this is our country. And now we can't have that. We can't have them come in and take the, they're gonna take our jobs. They're gonna take the, that's the fear. Okay, that is the driver of a lot of things.

That you're seeing today and I love what she said. Guess what? If you start treating people well now It's not going to affect you. Let's go back to what I was saying earlier about how the majority of stuff that we fear Never happens. It's no sim. This is similar to South Africa Okay. Oh We're gonna be if we give them power they're gonna kill us. All right, because we'll be the minority

That didn't happen. It didn't happen, right? So now because of this threat Now all you know, everything is now is thrown on the table, right? And this is what's for scaring people and making them Especially their rate. This is based on race This is advancing their racial fears. So that's one of the main things that's going on today

and instead of us coming together and talking about it.

People are pushing these narratives to divide us. And here's the thing. I'm not a major historian, but I've learned enough history from great, about great countries of the world that were empires, Roman Empire, Egyptian Empire, you name them. And what destroyed them? It wasn't a foreign enemy. It was from within.

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And that's where we're heading is because because we're not talking about these things. So. You know what, JJ, I think I'm going to do a bonus. Can I do a bonus here? OK, so what we're going to do, we're going to start some of these conversations right now and we're going to have some of our friends, people that you don't know. They're going to talk about some of their issues that they deal with when it comes up with race. And then I'm going to give.

My point of view. All right, let's kick it off, JJ. I really did not know that I had a racial identity. I knew it was why I did. I had no idea what that meant, how that had shaped my outlook on life, how that had shaped my sense of optimism, sense of belonging, sense of safety, sense of feeling entitled to go help children that I thought.

were part of a community that couldn't figure out how to help themselves. So, you know, I wish I could say I never had a ratio.

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I think most people of color say, I wish I didn't have a racial identity. Right? But when you're in the majority and things don't affect you and you have no clue about them, you don't even see the things that goes around you. And then going back to her point, she says, I feel entitled that I needed to go and help people that I thought couldn't help themselves.

How did she think that?

If she's not around these people, if you don't live around them, how does she think that? Because of what was told to her, what was pushed to her. That's the issue. That's the issue, right? And so at the end of the day, these are the challenges that we have. And I'm glad she said what she said. See, the only way we're going to...

Become together and that's my goal. I'll just be totally honest with you, but we got to be honest And we got to throw the cards on the table and we got to be willing to listen Right and people got to you know get vulnerable here and it's okay The world ain't gonna stop Right, but we got to throw the cards on the table say it like it is so people can learn From both sides that was her point of view and I really appreciate her sharing that Let's keep going one of my third grade students

seemed pretty rocked after the Eric Garner case or death and came up to me and said, you know, why, when you were little, like, were you worried about this stuff too? And I knew what he was talking about before. I mean, I didn't say, what do you mean, what stuff? I didn't want to, you know, play dumb. And I said, you know, no, like, I didn't have to be, and that's not fair. And...

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That was really hard because he just kind of sat there and it honestly seemed like the first time that he had considered the fact that not everyone had to think about race all the time. I mean, at the end of the day, and that's again, I appreciate her sharing that, right? These are the things that people of color go through. They think about race all the time, not because, okay, not because they walk out with a chip on their shoulder, okay? Not because of that.

It's because of the things that happen to them. All right, let me give you an example.

This was, I don't know, 10, 12, 13 years ago. I remember hanging with my friends. We went to the beach. We went to Narragansett in Rhode Island. And it was, I don't know, maybe 10 of us, 12. I can't remember the number. And I think I was the only black guy. Maybe my boy Don was there. It was my man, Steve Juiste. Kenny was there, Kenny Madoni. We was having a good time. Okay, so we got to the beach. We...

Found a spot that was by the lifeguard station. You know where they sit on the top of the, whatever it is, they have the, yeah, the stand and they look out and make sure. And then so we were close by there, right? And we were there, we were hanging out. And I think, I forget who brought, somebody brought a football. Okay? So we got our beach chairs, we're there. And I don't remember who was throwing it, but two of my friends start throwing the football, two white guys. They start throwing the football back.

Beach is packed, okay? Packed. All right? Then I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go over here and throw the ball with him. One of them, I forget, maybe it was Steve I was throwing the ball with, right? Soon as I started throwing the ball, the lifeguard comes on the loudspeaker and says, there's no ball playing on the beach.

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I mean, the whole beach stopped.

Everybody looked at me. Right? I mean, that's, you might, EF Hutton moment, you might not know that. There was a commercial EF, when EF Hutton speaks, everybody stops and people at the party and everybody stopped. That's what it was like. Okay? The dude selling hot dogs, stop. Selling ice cream, stop. There was a shark in the water about to bite somebody and he looked up.

Okay. That's what I dealt with. All right. Did I, I, did I want to think about race then? I didn't come to the beach to think about race, but the world told me about my race. And here's the thing. All my friends, they, we started laughing. It was like black man can't play with a ball on the beach. They said that everybody saw it. Okay. Everybody. And I guess what I laughed it off.

But to be fair, you know how that made me feel?

That took a piece out of me that I still think about or carry. Now, some people are man, what you talking about? Let that stuff go. You know, don't let race be, you kidding me? I would love to walk the earth and not think about race. But when I don't think about race, the world thinks about it for me. They show me. Okay. That's the thing that people don't understand here. Right. And again,

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I'm glad she talked about her third, and again, we're being honest. All right? And oh, well maybe that was a one -off. It was an anomaly. Anomalies? I'll tell you another one in a minute. Let's go to the next one. I know that I'm white and I guess I'm part of that collection.

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But I don't think about being white. I don't. Think about that. I mean, again, these are things I wouldn't want to think. I would love not to think about being black. You think I wake up in like black, black, black, black, black? Or Asian, Asian, Asian, Asian, Asian? Or Latinx or Hispanic, Hispanic, Hispanic, Hispanic, Hispanic? Or gay, gay, gay. You think people just wake up and that's all they do? They don't want to do that. They just want to live their life.

They want to worry about getting pimples on their face. All right. They want to make sure that they can take care of their families. I want to make sure they stay healthy. They don't want to think about being a race now. But however, there's a group of people that don't have to think about this because it doesn't affect them. When it doesn't affect you, you don't have to wake up and think about these things. Right. I'll tell you another quick story. When I was, um,

You know, I'm from Detroit, Michigan. We moved to Connecticut. And I used to drive back and forth to Detroit a lot to see family. So one day I was I was driving by myself and I used to take Highway 80 going through Pennsylvania. I pulled over to get some gas in this rural town. OK, well, this is before you pay you do it at the pump. I had to go in. And then maybe 30 seconds after I pulled up.

This white guy pulled up on a Harley motorcycle. Big, big dude too, huge. With the Harley attached and I was like, oh, I gotta get a body here. Let me get my gas and go home. So I go into the store. He comes right behind me. There's somebody standing in front of us at the counter that the clerk is helping. They pay for their gas or groceries or whatever they were getting. I step up.

The dude looks around me and looks at the white guy behind me and says, can I help you?

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Do you? I was like, and then the big motorcycle dude started to step forward and say, and I put my hand out like, hold on, man. And I said, I was next. And he was like, oh, I didn't see you. What do you mean you didn't see me? I'm standing right here in front of you.

Okay? I was so, you think I wanted to think about race that I got up this morning thinking that I was going to drive through Pennsylvania and then I was going to have to deal with what I deal with being a black. You think I thought about that?

And then I just looked at this guy. And then I just said, fill it up on whatever. Then I remembered that this big dude was behind me. And I turned around and I said, sorry about that. And you know what he said? No, man, you were right.

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But when things don't affect you, when you don't experience stuff like that, oh, they're whining. Oh, they're, you know, they want to make everything about race. What person of color wants to make everything about race? Life is tough enough.

My brothers and sisters, I hope your umbrella is open. Keep going. I remember asking a friend of my father's who was black why he was called black because his skin was brown. And I've learned that lots of people that are white ask this question. And maybe they also received the answer that I got from my parents, which was like, oh my gosh, we're so sorry that she asked that. And it's just a term, like move on. So, and again.

These are things that we have to get better at. Because white people have legitimate questions. Rightfully so. Why do they call you black? Why? And the only way people are going to learn is that we got to be open to talking and sharing. It goes back to what I was saying earlier. There's no relationship that has a strain on it.

or has some type of difficulty for a moment or two that doesn't heal itself by not communicating. Okay? It's not gonna happen. So until that people are able to ask questions and feel safe about them, that's the key. There's a ton of people who wanna know more, but if they say the wrong thing, people say they're racist.

Or how you don't know that we've been around you should know everything. They're not good you and here's the thing And this is where all racial groups mess up they get it wrong Because not every racial group knows everything about the other racial group Okay We don't I just told you I grew up in in Detroit, Michigan. I didn't mean anybody from the Puerto Rican I mean body from Hispanic descent until I went to military. Okay, I wouldn't know

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about Latinx and Hispanic, I mean, there's a ton of people I didn't meet. But when I met them, I asked questions and they answered the questions and they were legitimate questions. OK. And so we got to be our white brothers and sisters. They can they should feel comfortable. We should not make them feel uncomfortable to ask questions because they want to learn. And the only way they're going to learn.

is by asking questions. Again, it's about the community, people being comfortable talking about race. And the only way they're gonna be comfortable is that we have, people have to start having these conversations, because the goal is to make uncomfortable conversations comfortable. Let's keep rolling, buddy. I wanna bring up race, and I wanna bring it up in a frame.

that helps my children think that there's no difference. But the mere fact that I might be bringing it up could suggest that there is a difference. I mean, so again though, right? What do we, there is a difference. And it's important that we, everyone is honest. You know, I didn't want to talk to my daughters about race. I didn't want to tell them about some of the things that they may deal with. Who wants to sit and talk to their kids?

about race or tell them that the world may do this or they may not like them or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't think nobody really does, but to be honest, you know, we live in a racial society and if you don't talk to your kids about race, the world will talk to them about race one way or another. And it ain't going to be pretty nine times out of 10. So we got to have these conversations even with our family. And look, I'm sitting here on this podcast.

Chatting and for years I didn't talk about race years So I know the feeling and guess what for those years? Did I see that we come together? No Nothing changed. Okay, it's the same. So we gotta have these conversations up and down Kids family on nine yards. I think it's really important for families because in my experience being

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biracial, you know, having a mom who maybe doesn't understand the things that my dad had to go through and then the things that me and my siblings were then going to go through because of the world we lived in. It was important to have those conversations because they weren't easy. My mom didn't want us, like didn't want to have those conversations initially because she didn't want us thinking about that. She just wanted us knowing like,

You are our kids, we love you. And the world will be the world. But it was, I'm glad that I ended up learning more about, you know, who I was and how race tied into it. Because it's not something anyone should have to think about, but it's something I did need to think about. So it's super important for people with kids to be honest, be straight up with them. Like don't...

sugarcoat it, let them know the world they're going into and let them know that it's not okay what happens, but it's what happens. Exactly, exactly. JJ, thanks for sharing that my brother, because you're 100 % right. And you know, my wife is white and you know, our experiences, her experience growing up in outside of Boston and my experience growing up in Detroit Mission, two different experiences.

and the things that she experienced growing up, I think it was one black town, excuse me, one black family in the whole town. Okay. She didn't know anything about these things when her and I started dating. Okay. How could she know? She wouldn't know. Right. So do you think she wanted to sit down and talk to our daughters about these things? No, she didn't even know what they were going to deal with. And I take that back. Once we had kids,

Then she knew. Then her life changed. And here's the thing.

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You know, there's couples out here that are interracial couples. And the thing is, is that it could be the male that's white or the female that's white, whatever group that they intermingle with, it could be Asian, black, whatever the case may be, all of a sudden, once they come together and they start dating, they see things that they never saw before. And they never notice.

Because but now they do because their mate is a person of color So if that those individuals their eyes could be wide open or excuse me their eyes open up Okay, would not make if everybody else was able to get those type of experiences their eyes would open up and this is how we start Changing stuff, right? Let's keep going buddy that impulse that kind of colorblindness impulse

comes mostly from white people. Like I've never heard, I mean, I don't know. I'm sure it comes from all people of all kinds, but I've heard it most from white people who are saying like, let's do this as a way of getting past this racism thing. And I think in part it comes from a sense of shame and guilt about what racism has done. I don't want to be ashamed of being, and plus I'm a male. It's like every group out there can be pissed off at me because I'm white and a male. And that's a...

weird kind of burden that some people do feel and I certainly feel it sometimes from people that I'm privileged, I get stuff that other people don't get. So this is my biggest, I don't want to say biggest, but this is a huge pet peeve of mine of white people not wanting to talk about race or learning the history of race because they would feel

shame or guilty. That is the biggest crock. And I'm saying that that is BS. BS. Nobody, you being guilty, how does that help me? How does it help me? It doesn't help me. Okay. It doesn't. Nobody wants, nobody, um,

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People of color are not looking for white people to feel guilty because that doesn't help them. What they're looking for is for white people to educate themselves on what's really happening so they can help stop it. That's the goal. Unless, again, everything's, like we said earlier, JJ, everything's possible, right? Probably not probable, but it's possible. But I don't think this is possible. I don't know nobody that's still walking the earth.

That was around in:

didn't affect you and they still don't. So we want you to know not for guilt, okay? Not for you to feel shame. We want you to know so you can help stop them. I hope everybody is clear with that to help stop them. Feeling guilty and shame doesn't help any person of color. It just doesn't and we don't want that, okay?

So that's why we need to have these conversations. That's why we need to share real history, the whole history, good, bad, and ugly. Was you there when that history happened? No, right? But we need to learn about it so we don't make those mistakes again. If anything, the guilt and shame that a lot of white people feel, if they really dwell on that, it makes it worse for communities of color.

because then it, if anything, it sets it back. It separates us further. And it's gonna play into that white savior complex that they have to be the ones to save us. They don't. They just have to recognize that this happened in the past and they need to recognize, okay, what can I do on a personal level?

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to at least make that change in my life. I don't have to be the one to fix the entire world's problems. But let's serve my circle, my community, and the people around me and do the real work to fix things. Not this big, oh, I feel so bad. So I'm gonna give all this money. Yes, that could help. But it's not coming out of, it's still, you're seeing these people as less than. Correct, correct.

Excellent point you still see them as less than versus seeing them as your brother and sister So JJ you hit around okay, and here's the other thing too. I just got to say this

Black people, or people of color, LGBTQ community, average Jewish people, think of all the emotions that we had to deal with.

Okay? Nobody, when I was growing up in school, nobody said, oh, we can't make the black kids feel inferior. We can't make them feel less than. There was none of that. None of it. But now when we want to make people aware of these things, white people are like, I don't want to feel guilty. I don't want to hear it because you're going to make me feel shame. You can't, wait, hold on. And these, this is supposed to be, and again, I'm just going by what I hear.

This is supposed to be the greatest country that, you know, uh, perseverance and resilience and this is our backbone for tough. You know what I'm saying? Blah, blah, blah. And you can't deal with the history of racism because it's going to make you will. Okay. That makes no sense. Daniel Boone. He ain't strong. Okay. Teddy Roosevelt, rough riders, but he talks about race. Oh, I feel guilty. I can't go out tomorrow. Stop.

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Excuses. Call it for what it is. Learn. And then help. Let's keep going. Now I understand that it's a system of advantages and disadvantages based on race. So as much as there's the disadvantage piece of it, there's the advantage piece of it, which is what I experience as a white person. Uh -oh. See? See what happens when you start having conversations, you start learning, and...

And to be honest, when I first saw that clip, I learned something from her because she broke it down so simplistic. Okay. We use words like systemic racism and stuff like that. What is that? Okay. We can't be, there's no such thing. Okay. There ain't no, so they making stuff up. But if you break it down to advantages and disadvantages,

ive you some examples. Before:

Only males could vote.

So, the system, and when we say system, we're talking about the laws and policies. The system, the laws said they couldn't vote. So based on that, the males, when it came to voting, and obviously in a lot of other things too, had an advantage, and women had a disadvantage based on the system.

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The laws, the policies, that's what's systemic racism. She broke it down beautifully. So if you understand that from a very simplistic standpoint, then you'll start really your, again, mine is like an umbrella, only works when it's open. When your mind is open, you start marinating on these things and you'll say, I get it. Let's use that same example, JJ. Okay? Women was able to vote in 1920.

Okay, that's it. Once they pass a law, they could go. However, they didn't start drawing up political maps where there was a lot of women in certain districts to stop them from voting. They didn't create a literacy test and a poll test for women, all right, so they could stop them voting. Yeah, and they didn't have people in white robes and hoods.

standing outside the polling booths to stop them from voting. To scare them away. Exactly. Okay. You see my point here. If you start to learn. So guess what? That's a disadvantage. And it's a disadvantage on purpose. Right? So again, I love that. Let's keep educating, keep learning and keep it simple. Let's keep going. I think we're all implicated in a racist system. And I play my part in it as a white person.

So I do have individual responsibility and accountability. I mean, I'm part of the system and I do things that both perpetuate it and I try to certainly do things that challenge it. I realize I've never said anything. When I've heard racist jokes, when I've heard racist comments, I've never said anything. I've never spoken up and said, hey, that's racist. Not once. See, again.

This is part of the learning process, right? Number one is, let's go with our first lady when she said, hey, racist society perpetuates. I've been a part of it. Good and bad. Some things I've done. It's situates it. Other things I've done tries to solve the problem. Let's just be honest. That is fair. Okay. And that's why, what's my man's name? Abram Kendi. You read his book, how to be an anti -racist. Okay. That's basically what he's saying.

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is that at any time we all can do racist acts. Racism is not the person, it's the act. But then at the same time, you can be anti -racist by trying to stop racism. Okay? That's the key. Where the second lady said when she heard her friends or other people make racist jokes, she didn't speak up. She wasn't anti -racist at that time.

to try to stop that action. Okay? But she was honest enough to say, you know what? I see that I'm complicit. I may not believe certain things, but when I hear certain things, I don't do anything to stop them. And that's part of, that's why these conversations are important because then people can wake up. Okay. So our last clip, going back to my girl, Jane Elliot, and I want you to really listen to her.

And then we're going to put a cap on this episode. I cannot understand why black people who have been subjected to the ugliness that they've been subjected to in this country can get up every morning and go to work among us and not be absolutely furious.

And I don't understand why we allow white people to behave the way they do. I don't understand that. And my third graders, after they'd gone through the exercise, couldn't understand it and wouldn't tolerate it. And when they went up to junior high, and a junior high teacher used the N -word, one of my former students said, if you're going to use that word, I'm going to go out in the hall until you stop using it. Because we don't use that word in this school. That was a seventh grader who told his teacher off.

When we have enough students who are willing to confront people who are making racist, sexist, ageist, homophobic statements, we're going to be better off. We have got to stop tolerating the intolerable. If it's intolerable for my black cousins and every black person on this earth, which one of my cousins, if it's intolerable for them, it's intolerable for me. I will not tolerate it. And that's where we need to get to. Right. And again, let me give you a little background because you heard something about Jane Elliott when she said her students. OK.

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And most people don't know this, look her up. So Jane Elliot was a teacher back in, I think this was in the 60s. And she did an experiment with her students that were all white. And she separated them. And again, look it up, because it's more, I'm just talking high level, okay? And you can get more detail into it. But she separated them based on their eye color. Kids that had blue eyes versus kids that had brown eyes.

And then I don't know what group was treated differently based on their eye color. And then the kids were able to see the diff how being treated based on something you can't control your eye color. Right. So when she brought that up and they, so when she brought that up, that kid says, Hey, if you're going to say the N word, we I'm going to, that was a white kid. Okay. So look her up. All right. Now everybody CRT stop. Okay. Jane Elliot did this.

In the sixties, whatever case may be with her white classes using eye color and educated them about race that became a foundation for those kids and understood. And then more importantly, spoke out and stopped it. Okay. So let's put a cap on this because we talked a lot today, JJ, and let's, let's talk about overcoming that racial fear. Right. You heard earlier from a man, Frank Shamrock is that.

fears come up in our head and we start feeding those fears, right? And at the end of the day, we start adding bricks and bricks based on what we do or based on what other people are telling us, right? So you don't, you have to recognize this and stop adding bricks to your fears, all right? 90 something percent, I think it was 97%, 85%, none of this stuff happens. 15 %...

that does happen, 79 % of that is better than what you thought. And then more importantly, you learned from the other percentage, right? So at the end of the day, the majority of things that we're afraid of as a society in anything, but especially with race, never happens. So understand that, that's important. Be open to learning more about your fellow citizens. Fear will keep you in mobile.

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But however, at the end of the day, when you start moving forward and you start seeking the truth, you start moving into action, right? And that action tears down fear. So this is all about learning, right? And at the end of the day, as my man said, become a truth seeker. Knowledge destroys fear. And the more that we're able to do this and let's go back to what JJ said. It's each individual.

Just in your own circle, just you, if you just start with you and just focus on you, guess what? We're gonna have a tremendous country. We're gonna change the narrative, right? So be a truth seeker. Here's the thing. Yes, race, talking about race is uncomfortable. I'm not here to say it's not. It absolutely is. Because you know why? We've never talked about it. We've never talked about it for centuries.

So yes, it's uncomfortable. But if we start, I always use the word but, because when you use the word but, you just erase what you just got finished saying. So let me just, let me, however, if we just focus on being uncomfortable and having these conversations, it's going to help us grow. I learned this a long time ago. Nothing grows in a comfort zone. Nothing, nothing, right? So you have to be uncomfortable to grow, but.

The more that you have these conversations, the more comfortable. Is everybody going to agree on everything? Nope. That's not going to happen. And that's okay. But the thing is, is to have the conversation. Be willing to listen. Not to defend, but listen to understand. Okay? And if each person does that, guess what?

These conversations won't be uncomfortable. So let me just tell you this. And I want to, we're going to start incorporating this because I did this, I came up with this when I was having my on, excuse me, an open conversation on race. One of my goals was to decrease the isms as, as Jane Elliot said, right? So I came up with this acronym, racism. I came up with this acronym.

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All right, because the goal was to decrease. The acronym is LESS. L -E -S -S, right? LESS. You decrease, we want less, right? And let's break down what LESS stands for. The L stands for learn. Okay? We have to have these conversations so everybody can learn. All right? And listen, learn. Okay? Then E is empathy.

So once you learn, now you should be more empathetic about your fellow human being. What the stuff that they go to go through, all the things that they've dealt with. Now you should be more empathetic. And then S is for share. All right? Now you want to share what you've learned to your family or friends, whatever the case may be. And then the final S is stop.

You want to stop. You want to be that anti -racist where you stop. You hear grandma says something at the Thanksgiving table. You say, no, grandma, we don't talk about people like that. Right. That's that just in your household. That's an action. OK, so if everybody incorporates less L E S S, learn. Once you learn, you have more empathy.

Once you have more empathy, now you want to share with other people. Look what I've learned. Right. And then the final S stop, stop it wherever you see it. That's the goal. We want everybody to be able to, and these are things that you can do in your household personally to help this make, help make this a better town, country, county, society, whatever the case may be. That's the goal. So let's start and let's start.

Let's incorporate less. Okay. So I think it's time for Tony's tidbit. Tony's tidbit. Okay, my man. Okay. So the tidbit today is, and I got two of them, racial fear thrives in silence. Speak out, listen deeply, and let empathy be the light that guides us through the darkness. And then I got one more.

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Racial fear diminishes us racial fear diminishes us all Overcoming it does not just liberate the oppressed it frees Every one of us and that is so true, right? So I hope you enjoyed this episode of a black executive perspective podcast Okay called

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Thank you, buddy. Facing racial fears, conversation for change. All right. So I want you to tune in to our next episode of a black executive perspective, wherever you get your podcasts, right? And then you can follow a black executive perspective podcast on all of our social channels, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn at a black exact. So for our fabulous hosts,

WNHU 88 .7 on the Richter scale. Check them out. Are fabulous. And you heard from my man, JJ. What a lovely man, young man. What talking about somebody that gets it. I want to thank him for doing everything behind the glass and also contributing to this episode. And I want to thank you for taking the time to listen to another episode of the Black Executive Perspective.

Right, give us a rating, share what your thoughts are on this episode. So, JJ, we talked about it, right? We love you, and guess what? We're out.

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a Black executive perspective.

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About the Podcast

TonyTidbit: A Black Executive Perspective
Reshaping Leadership & Diversity in Corporate America
About the Podcast: "TonyTidbit: A Black Executive Perspective" offers a deep dive into the corporate world through the lens of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Hosted by Tony Franklin, aka Tony Tidbit, this podcast shines a light on vital conversations around race, leadership, and diversity, fostering understanding and change.


Meet Your Host: Tony Franklin has over three decades of corporate experience and provides transformative insights into diversity and inclusion, making each episode a journey of learning and empowerment.

Why You Should Listen:
- Diverse Perspectives: Insights from a variety of voices on challenges and triumphs in the corporate sphere.
-Action-Oriented: Practical advice for advocating equity and allyship in the workplace.
- Educational & Empathetic: A focus on empathy and education to drive impactful change.

What to Expect: #BEPpodcast brings powerful transformations, empowering voices, addressing barriers, and delving into topics reshaping Corporate America. It's a platform uniting diverse voices and making a significant impact.

Stay Connected:
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Join us in transforming the narrative on race, leadership, and diversity in Corporate America. Your participation matters!

#BEPpodcast #TonyTidbit #CorporateDiversity #Inclusion #Leadership #RaceInCorporate #DiversityMatters #DEI

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About your host

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Tony Franklin

Tony Franklin, the esteemed host of "TonyTidbit: A Black Executive Perspective," is a dynamic and insightful leader with over 30 years of experience navigating the complexities of corporate America. With a career marked by leadership roles across various industries, Tony brings a wealth of knowledge and a unique perspective to the podcast. His journey is one of resilience, determination, and an unwavering commitment to driving diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) in the workplace.

A passionate advocate for change, Tony initiated the groundbreaking "Conversations about Race" series in his workplace following the social unrest of 2020. This series laid the foundation for the podcast, offering a platform for open, honest discussions about race and the Black executive experience in corporate America. Through his engaging conversations with guests, Tony explores themes of adversity, exclusion, and implicit bias, while also highlighting the strategies that have helped break down racial barriers.

Tony's approachable style and depth of experience make him an influential voice in the DEI space. His dedication to fostering an inclusive environment is evident in each episode, where he provides actionable guidance for being a better advocate and ally. "TonyTidbit: A Black Executive Perspective" is not just a podcast; it's a movement towards a more equitable corporate landscape, led by Tony's visionary leadership and empathetic voice.