You’re Not Lazy—You’re Burnt Out

Seema Desai: 00:00:00

My wrists are aching, my fingers are hurting my

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shoulders, everything is screaming.

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And somewhere around hour four

of the crying, his and mine.

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'cause at that point I

had just broken down.

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I mean, you remember when your

kids were babies, you know?

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Tony Tidbit: Right, right.

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Seema Desai: And I remember

thinking, I'm done.

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If I just stopped breathing,

the noise would go away.

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And I wouldn't have to feel

like such a failure 'cause I

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wouldn't be here to feel it.

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And I remember it, it was almost

like having these thoughts.

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It was an out of body experience, right?

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This recognition of like, oh

my gosh, what are you saying?

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You know, what are you, what is happening?

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And I think just the awareness of,

of what that was and having this,

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it was almost like I felt my future

self calling out to me going, hang

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on, it's about to get so good.

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Tony Tidbit: We'll discuss race and how it

plays a factor and how we didn't even talk

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about this topic 'cause we were afraid

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BEP Narrator: A Black

Executive Perspective.

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We're coming to you live from the

new BEP studio for another thought

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provoking episode of A Black Executive

Perspective podcast, A safe space where

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we discuss all matters regarding race.

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Culture and those uncomfortable

topics people tend to avoid.

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I'm your host Tony Tidbit.

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So before we get started on a

fantastic episode, I wanna remind

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everyone to make sure you check out

our partners at Code M Magazine,

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whose mission is to save the black

family by first saving the black man.

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So check them out@codemmagazine.com.

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That is code m magazine.com.

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And so today, Dr.

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Seema Desai transformational success

coach, speaker, and co-host of

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the award-winning Happy and Human

Podcast joins us for a deep dive

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into the struggles and triumphs

of high performing professionals.

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We'll unpack the invisible weight

carried by ambitious leaders,

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the stress, self-doubt, and

the feeling of never enough.

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I know that feeling 'cause I've

been there a million times.

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Dr.

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Desai will share her powerful research

and personal stories that challenges

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the status quo of the hustle culture

through the lens of a woman of

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color, and will often offer practical

strategies for reclaiming your power now.

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So let me tell you a little

bit about my good friend Dr.

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Seema Desai.

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As I stated, she's a transformational

speaker, credential executive coach, and

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advocate for the performance with purpose.

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She empowers ambitious, high performing

leaders, not only to excel at work,

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but also nurture their wellbeing and

cultivate meaningful connections at home.

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Drawing from her rich, cultural, heritage

and personal journey, navigating imposter

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syndrome, postpartum depression, and

the challenges of being a working mom.

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Dr.

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Desai brings a rare blend of

empathy, insight, and real world

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experience to every leader she serves.

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She's the author of Connected Discovering

Your Inner Guide, and as I stated

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earlier, the co-host of the multiple

award-winning podcast, happy and Human,

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where she champions conversations

around success and self-care.

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A committed change maker.

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Dr.

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Desai also serves on the executive

board of Pham USA's Austin Chapter,

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driving educational equity for

underserved children in India and beyond.

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Although no longer

practice in dentistry, Dr.

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Desai early career as a general

dentist, and Austin informs her

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holistic approach, treating not just

symptoms, but the whole person, Dr.

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Seema Desai.

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Welcome to A Black Executive

Perspective podcast.

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My sister,

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Seema Desai: oh my goodness,

I am thrilled to be here.

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So excited.

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I cannot wait to dive into what's

gonna be a really fun conversation.

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Tony Tidbit: Well, you are, you're not

the only one that's excited, my friend.

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I mean, listen, your

background is undeniable.

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What you're doing and how you're

helping transform people's personal

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lives, get them off the rat wheel of

the, you know, uh, the climb up the

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corporate ladder and making them feel

at peace with themselves is beautiful.

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And this is something I've

been looking forward to since

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we put it on the calendar.

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I've been looking forward to this date.

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Because this is something from

my own experience that I've

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dealt with and still deal with.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right?

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That I can tell you thousands and

thousands, maybe millions of people

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in corporate America or business

owners or whatever the case may be.

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Athletes.

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Yeah.

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High, like you said, high achievers.

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Mm-hmm.

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That struggle with this because

we only know one way and that

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way is full throttle 365 24 7.

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Correct.

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So I'm so happy to hear you to be

here today so you can talk, talk to us

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about how we can throttle that down and

still be just as effective, uh, in our

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endeavors and whatever we wanna achieve.

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Now, before we get into the heavy

stuff, my sister, tell us a little bit

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about where you currently reside and

then a little bit about your family.

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Seema Desai: Yeah, well, you know,

Tony family is everything to me.

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I live in Austin, Texas, um, with

my husband and two young children.

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They're not as young as they used to be.

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They're growing fast, but, uh, you

know, we're loving life while they

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are still young and unable to drive

and need us for all the things.

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Um, and we have a lot of

extended family around too.

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So that, that definitely

informs our day to day.

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And our, you know, month to month as well

is, is heavily knitting in time with our

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nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins.

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Um, that's really, really important to us.

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Tony Tidbit: That's awesome.

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How old are your kids?

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Seema Desai: My older one is 13,

and so he's, he's right in it.

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He's right in that he is 13.

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Let me tell you.

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And my daughter is 10 and a half.

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So, you know, she's, they both kind

of fall into those stereotypical,

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heteronormative boxes of tendencies,

even first born and second born

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and all, all of those things.

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But, um, you know, we're enjoying every

minute of it, even when it feels sticky

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and hard and, uh, you know, that,

that's, that's I think, been such a gift.

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Really.

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Yeah.

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Is I feel like when I'm out and about, I

really try to watch, it's important to me

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to be very aware of when I am in judgment

of something or someone, um, because

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that says something about me, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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It doesn't say something about

the other person so much as

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it says something about me.

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And that's where I have the power to

really shift my perspective, or even

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just that awareness of recognition.

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Right.

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But I do see families

out and about, and, um.

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You know, I, I used to be those families.

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I used to be that mom that was really

angry and frustrated and stressed

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and, you know, had checked off all

those boxes and still it felt like

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stress was how it was supposed to be.

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That there wasn't really a reprieve

except for maybe that glass of wine or

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buying that cute handbag, maybe, uh,

taking that vacation or eating that bowl

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of ice cream at 10 o'clock at night.

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Um, and it's, it's been such a gift.

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The work that I do now has been

such a gift in order to be able to

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really create meaningful connection

with people, especially my kids.

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'cause it gets hard as parents.

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Right.

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We're navigating a lot, especially

in this day and age with technology

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and things that just didn't

exist when we were coming up.

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Tony Tidbit: Right,

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Seema Desai: right.

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So, you know, it's,

it's been really great.

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Tony Tidbit: No, that is awesome.

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That is awesome.

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And listen, you know, you spoke a little

bit about it, um, the work that you do.

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Mm-hmm.

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We went through your bio.

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Yeah.

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Um, you're very busy.

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Um, you have your own business.

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Mm-hmm.

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You're meeting and coaching

people, you're traveling.

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You have an award-winning podcast

that you're, you've created, um,

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you have a ton of guests that

come on, which we'll dive into.

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So you're very busy.

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Right.

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And, and like I said, I circled this

on the calendar 'cause I couldn't

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wait for us to have this conversation.

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Yeah.

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But the question I have, you know,

why did you want to come on A Black

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Executive Perspective podcast?

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Talk about this topic.

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Seema Desai: You know, I think this is

a really human condition and I think

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that this meaning, you know, ambition,

stress, wanting to get to that next level.

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Um, and I've seen, you know, as a

daughter of immigrants, just how critical.

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Family stability must be, um, regardless

of what your family looks like, I know

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your listeners are, you know, coming

from different backgrounds and things,

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but I, I have always felt like there is

such similarity culturally even between,

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um, you know, people that I meet from,

from the Black American population

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versus the Indian American population.

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And even going back into our African

and um, Indian roots, you know,

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there's, there's so much crossover.

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There's so much.

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Even my in-laws, um, actually

technically are, uh, Kenyan and Ugandan.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, because they were born there.

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Right, right.

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They, they're Indian heritage, but

they were born there and then they

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had their own, um, own history that,

that they've shared and, and things,

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and were here in the States because,

uh, they were courageous enough to,

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to leave and start a new life here.

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And my parents as well.

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But there's so much crossover,

really, truly, especially I think

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with the what's expected of men.

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So, so similar.

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Tony Tidbit: Right.

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Right.

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Well listen, you already chomping at

the bit you ready to, to dive into

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it, so I'm not gonna even stop you.

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Alright, let's do you

ready to talk about it?

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My sister?

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Seema Desai: I'm so excited.

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Let's do this.

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Tony Tidbit: Okay.

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Let's talk about it.

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So listen, let's, let's set this up.

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You know, and you spoke a little bit

about it a minute ago when you talk

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about, um, when you are out walking

the earth and you see other families,

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and obviously like you said, you don't

try to judge anything like that, but

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you can see the stress and the things

that people are dealing with even when

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they're dealing with their own family.

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Right.

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And trust me, I could raise my hand.

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I've been there as well.

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Right.

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And you know, one of the

things when we, and that's just

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everyday individuals, right?

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But when we talk about

high achievers mm-hmm.

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Right?

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Yeah.

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Tony Tidbit: Mm-hmm.

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To deliver, to be more.

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Right.

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And a lot of times we

don't talk about that.

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Right.

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But in everything, you

know, there's a cost.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right?

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And that cost is affecting us.

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And sometimes we give up things

to get things right, right.

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But we don't recognize the cost.

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So let's talk a little bit, tell

us a little bit like what's some

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of the, the burnout signals.

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That you see with high performing leaders?

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Yeah.

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The ones that come to you

and say, Hey, I need help.

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Talk a little bit about that.

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Seema Desai: Yeah.

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You know, I mean, I think burnout

is a whole other level of, um,

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manifestation of symptoms, right.

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So we have you, you touched

on this beautifully.

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Oftentimes we're not aware, and the

reason we're not aware is because

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we've never known any different.

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Right.

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The, the awareness is what is so critical.

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Um, and I think it really solves a lot

of the, because your intuition will

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kick in once you are aware it can't not.

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Tony Tidbit: Right,

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Seema Desai: right.

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Um, there will be may maybe you may

not be aware of the whisper that

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your intuition says, like, oh, maybe

this, maybe this is costing me.

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Maybe things could be better,

maybe, you know, but, but the

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awareness is such, such, uh, an

important first step to make of.

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How is this affecting me, this

ambition, this, um, drive, it's

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what it's effective in that it will

get you to where you are, right?

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You might have that title, you

might have that salary, you might

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have the millions in the bank.

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Um, and even if not, you may very well

have, uh, the path to get there, but

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what got you here won't get you there.

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And, and working hard and doubling down.

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And, you know, I see it in terms

of symptoms of people pleasing,

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uh, for women more than men.

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But, you know, there is some of that

I think across the board controlling,

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uh, you know, just needing to control

and have the final say on everything.

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Being, you know, having those

perfectionist tendencies and the

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thoughts of, well, if I don't handle

it, it's not gonna get done correctly

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and I'm gonna wind up doing it anyway,

so let me just take care of it.

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Right?

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Um, there can be, I don't, I.

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I'm trying to figure out a, a better

way to use the word victim because it's,

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but it is that helplessness, right?

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It, I don't think victim is necessarily

the most accurate, uh, reflection.

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'cause it brings up other

connotations, but that helplessness

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of being out of control, right?

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This is happening to me.

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I, my boss is this way, my job is this

way, the commute is this long, my house

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is too small, my kids don't listen.

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Um, these are all kind of symptoms

of things that we experience as

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high achievers and we tell ourselves

that we've gotta push through.

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Tony Tidbit: Right?

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Right.

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Seema Desai: And, and it's, it's comes

at a cost, I call it the stress tax.

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83% of just the US alone is, um,

reports being highly stressed and.

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Most of that, um, stress actually

is reported as, as bleeding over

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into other parts of our life, right?

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So the job stress is high.

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It bleeds over into our families.

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It bleeds over into our health.

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It bleeds over, um, into the other

relationships and our ability

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to even have the hobbies that

we used to have as kids, right?

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Right.

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So many executives and high performers,

it's like, oh, I don't have time.

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I used to play the piano as

a kid, or I used to run, I

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used to draw, I used to sing.

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And we've, we've come away from

this element of, of play that makes

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us, uniquely us as individuals, and

it costs us, we tell ourselves it

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doesn't, that nobody has time for it.

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Um, but, but the, the stat that

shocked me the most was that our

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external circumstances only dictate

about 10% of our lived reality.

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Tony Tidbit: Wow.

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Wow.

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Let you know what, stop right there.

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I wanna, I wanna, because

you said something.

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Oh, you said a lot.

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Seema Desai: I said a lot.

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All,

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Tony Tidbit: all good stuff though, right?

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Um, but I wanna, I wanna just remember

that point 'cause I wanna come back to

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it, but I, I wanna ask you this question.

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Um, so at the end of the day,

how much of this is based on

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what we're told when we're young?

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And how were brought up, right?

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Because at the end of the day, let's

be fair, I, I grew up, nobody said,

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well, you can just ease in the work.

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Or, you know what?

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You can just, you know,

you ain't gotta push hard.

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You'll still be successful, right?

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How many cliches do we hear all the time?

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It's hard work.

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You gotta fight through the pain.

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You have to keep going.

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Persistence.

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: 00:16:11

You know, one of my favorite quotes,

I think it was by, uh, uh, Grover Cle

324

: 00:16:14

Rapids, a a, uh, uh, Coolidge, right?

325

: 00:16:17

That, you know, persistence,

pe you still keep showing up.

326

: 00:16:20

You still keep doing it.

327

: 00:16:22

How much is this is the culture at work?

328

: 00:16:25

How many people have you seen that raise

their hand up and say, you know what,

329

: 00:16:30

you're working me too hard, or, I need

more time, and they become successful.

330

: 00:16:34

Okay?

331

: 00:16:35

You don't see that, right?

332

: 00:16:36

So, right.

333

: 00:16:38

I mean, to be fair, we

kind of created monsters.

334

: 00:16:42

Yes.

335

: 00:16:42

Okay.

336

: 00:16:43

To be fair.

337

: 00:16:44

Yeah.

338

: 00:16:44

And then, so a lot of times you don't

know you a monster until the high blood

339

: 00:16:48

pressure or until you snap or until.

340

: 00:16:51

So talk a little bit about that because

you know, you said 80, hold on, I just

341

: 00:16:57

wanna make sure I got the stat right.

342

: 00:16:59

83%, excuse me, 10%, I

think, let me get this point.

343

: 00:17:03

Yeah.

344

: 00:17:04

10% is external.

345

: 00:17:07

That means 10% of stuff that you don't

have control over, it affects you.

346

: 00:17:13

So that means what?

347

: 00:17:15

90, excuse me.

348

: 00:17:16

Uh, 90, excuse me.

349

: 00:17:17

10% of the, so 90, you saying 90%

of all the things from all the

350

: 00:17:22

things that's rise, uh, that's

increasing my stress hormones.

351

: 00:17:26

That's putting me under

the gun is self-inflicted.

352

: 00:17:29

Seema Desai: Yes.

353

: 00:17:31

And I know that is.

354

: 00:17:33

A really hard thing to

look in the mirror with.

355

: 00:17:36

Tony Tidbit: So wouldn't that be

a correlation though, in terms of

356

: 00:17:38

how you are told to show up every

day, how you're told that the only

357

: 00:17:43

way you can become successful is by

doing all these things in excess?

358

: 00:17:48

Yeah.

359

: 00:17:48

Do you've been told don't cry, don't why?

360

: 00:17:52

Just deal with it with, so

that's the correlation, right?

361

: 00:17:55

That's the 90 10.

362

: 00:17:56

Wouldn't you, wouldn't you say?

363

: 00:17:57

Yes.

364

: 00:17:58

Seema Desai: And it is costing us look

at where we are as society Now, can you

365

: 00:18:03

honestly say, and I'm not, not to put you,

you on the spot, but No, you can say, you

366

: 00:18:06

can put me, I'm, I'm, I'm part of the 90.

367

: 00:18:09

Well, and, and there's so many ways

I could go with this, but first of

368

: 00:18:15

all, let's, let's pause here and say,

when I say 90% is in your control,

369

: 00:18:20

there's a huge difference between

blame and responsibility, right?

370

: 00:18:25

So we can say, well, but my mom, you

know, she, she brought me up this way.

371

: 00:18:30

My dad, my culture, my this, my that.

372

: 00:18:32

I came up.

373

: 00:18:34

I, I am from an immigrant family.

374

: 00:18:35

Okay.

375

: 00:18:36

We did not have much, um,

in the way of privilege.

376

: 00:18:39

There was no, I, I'm the

first doctor in my family.

377

: 00:18:43

Um, you know, so I, I wanna acknowledge

it is easy to sit there and say, well,

378

: 00:18:49

it's because of my circumstances.

379

: 00:18:51

Yes.

380

: 00:18:51

But they're not as heavily inf

as heavily influential as we

381

: 00:18:54

might want to believe, right?

382

: 00:18:56

Our egos will tell us that it's way

more influential than it actually is.

383

: 00:19:01

So what we can do is empower

ourselves with taking responsibility.

384

: 00:19:06

And the beauty of that

is you don't need an app.

385

: 00:19:08

You don't need a subscription.

386

: 00:19:10

You can do it anytime, anywhere.

387

: 00:19:11

Cultivating an awareness for how you

are thinking and how you are seeing the

388

: 00:19:16

world that's readily available to anyone.

389

: 00:19:19

The caveat is you must be

willing to do the work.

390

: 00:19:23

You must be willing to put in an effort.

391

: 00:19:25

It's not, it's, it becomes easier

over time with more practice.

392

: 00:19:29

But when you first start trying to

look at the world a different way.

393

: 00:19:33

It, it is effort for sure.

394

: 00:19:35

Tony Tidbit: Right.

395

: 00:19:36

Let me, you know, let's, let's go

to, to what you just gotta finish

396

: 00:19:39

saying about your own background.

397

: 00:19:41

Okay.

398

: 00:19:42

And, you know, didn't grow up

with much, um, had to work hard.

399

: 00:19:48

You know, you, you became a

dentist, um, there, uh, you

400

: 00:19:51

became a mother, um, married.

401

: 00:19:55

So there was a lot of pressures Okay.

402

: 00:19:58

That you had to deal with, that

you probably dealt with, right?

403

: 00:20:01

Mm-hmm.

404

: 00:20:01

So how did your own lived

experience and the things that

405

: 00:20:05

you went through, depression stuff

to that nature shaped your mind?

406

: 00:20:10

How did you get out of that mindset?

407

: 00:20:12

Yeah.

408

: 00:20:12

And started being able to

take more control back.

409

: 00:20:15

Seema Desai: Yeah.

410

: 00:20:16

Well, and I think this kind of goes

back to your earlier question, right?

411

: 00:20:21

What are the signs of things

like burnout and, and things?

412

: 00:20:24

And that was starting to happen to me.

413

: 00:20:25

I, I was in the burnout phase where,

you know, I was always, you know.

414

: 00:20:32

In Sanskrit, they're called vasanas.

415

: 00:20:33

Right?

416

: 00:20:34

They're tendencies.

417

: 00:20:35

So this perfectionism, this,

this deep desire to not get like

418

: 00:20:39

a 99, that's not good enough.

419

: 00:20:41

I need to get 105.

420

: 00:20:43

Tony Tidbit: Right?

421

: 00:20:43

Seema Desai: Right.

422

: 00:20:43

That level of commitment and ambition and

drive, um, that had always been my mo and

423

: 00:20:50

it does cost, it costs us sleep, it costs

us our health, it costs us all of these

424

: 00:20:54

things, the quality of our relationships,

the amount of stress we feel.

425

: 00:20:57

But to your point, those are, um, it's

like they siphon very, very quietly.

426

: 00:21:04

And for me, what happened

was I hit burnout.

427

: 00:21:08

And burnout is characterized

more in just a flat out.

428

: 00:21:12

I cannot go on anymore.

429

: 00:21:17

I am too tired to, um, you know,

and the things that you used to

430

: 00:21:21

love doing, things like, um, you

know, I, I used to love baking.

431

: 00:21:25

I used to love.

432

: 00:21:27

Reading just for fun.

433

: 00:21:28

All of these things that

I used to love doing.

434

: 00:21:30

And I just was like, I

don't wanna do any of it.

435

: 00:21:32

Now

436

: 00:21:32

Tony Tidbit: where were

you when that happened?

437

: 00:21:34

Were you, did that just, did

you wake up one day that way?

438

: 00:21:37

Or were you in the middle of a high

stress moment that you finally broke down?

439

: 00:21:41

Seema Desai: I think it was

very, very insidious and gradual.

440

: 00:21:46

Um, now I will happily share my moment

of reckoning, but it started out, I

441

: 00:21:50

remember I flipped out on a lady in

line at the deli and I had only been a

442

: 00:21:57

doctor for two years that I had no idea

that being in a mentally and physically

443

: 00:22:02

demanding job that I didn't love was

actually taking its toll to the point.

444

: 00:22:07

Mm-hmm.

445

: 00:22:07

Where, I mean, my husband looked

at me and he was like, who are you?

446

: 00:22:09

Mm-hmm.

447

: 00:22:09

This is not the person that I know.

448

: 00:22:11

Like you would never flip out on anyone.

449

: 00:22:14

Um, and I don't even

remember what it was about.

450

: 00:22:16

Right.

451

: 00:22:16

But that was kind of looking back.

452

: 00:22:18

I wasn't conscious of it then,

but that was sort of my first.

453

: 00:22:22

Experience of like, oh,

maybe I need to reevaluate.

454

: 00:22:24

Well, what happens when we ignore

the signs is it's like, imagine

455

: 00:22:29

you're on a, a highway, right?

456

: 00:22:31

And your GPS says exit now.

457

: 00:22:32

Like, I'll send you a sign exit

now, and you don't exit and you

458

: 00:22:35

keep going and it says, all right,

I'm gonna reroute you exit now.

459

: 00:22:37

Right?

460

: 00:22:38

So that next exit, now sign.

461

: 00:22:40

You know, there was just

different things with work.

462

: 00:22:42

I would consistently blame, um, patients.

463

: 00:22:46

I would blame the office location.

464

: 00:22:48

I would blame anything and

everything for why I was miserable.

465

: 00:22:53

Um, and it led to me just saying like,

I'm gonna take a, take a step back.

466

: 00:22:58

But I didn't change my thinking.

467

: 00:23:00

I just took a break from work, right?

468

: 00:23:02

So I kept digging even though I

wasn't actually showing up to work.

469

: 00:23:05

Keep going down the highway at 150

miles an hour and we have this baby.

470

: 00:23:10

And I remember my son.

471

: 00:23:12

We, there were a lot of contributing.

472

: 00:23:14

I.

473

: 00:23:15

Factors that went into me

experiencing what I did and I'm,

474

: 00:23:19

you know, it was an undiagnosed

postpartum anxiety and depression.

475

: 00:23:23

Um, but I remember him being five months

old and I was in this noisy, drafty

476

: 00:23:29

apartment and he was crying and crying.

477

: 00:23:32

My back is aching.

478

: 00:23:33

My, my fit, my wrists are

aching, my fingers are hurting my

479

: 00:23:37

shoulders, everything is screaming.

480

: 00:23:39

And somewhere around hour four of

the crying, his and mine, 'cause at

481

: 00:23:45

that point I had just broken down.

482

: 00:23:47

I mean, you remember when your

kids were babies, you know?

483

: 00:23:49

Tony Tidbit: Right, right.

484

: 00:23:51

Seema Desai: And I remember

thinking, I'm done.

485

: 00:23:55

If I just stopped breathing, the

noise would go away and I wouldn't

486

: 00:24:02

have to feel like such a failure

'cause I wouldn't be here to feel it.

487

: 00:24:06

And I remember it was almost

like having these thoughts.

488

: 00:24:09

It was.

489

: 00:24:10

An out of body experience, right?

490

: 00:24:12

This recognition of like, oh

my gosh, what are you saying?

491

: 00:24:15

You know, what are you, what is happening?

492

: 00:24:17

And I think just the awareness of,

of what that was and having this,

493

: 00:24:22

it was almost like I felt my future

self calling out to me going, hang

494

: 00:24:26

on, it's about to get so good.

495

: 00:24:30

Just hang on.

496

: 00:24:31

Just take that next breath.

497

: 00:24:32

Just take that next breath.

498

: 00:24:34

That's all you need to think

about is that next breath.

499

: 00:24:38

And, you know, advocating for I think

something's wrong was really difficult.

500

: 00:24:42

It's easier to deny it.

501

: 00:24:44

Right?

502

: 00:24:44

Um, my husband at the time was not to,

you know, not at all to, to blame him.

503

: 00:24:48

It was just easier for both of us to

pretend that something wasn't wrong.

504

: 00:24:53

Um, but I think slowly

coming out of it that meant.

505

: 00:24:56

Me getting outta the house, it meant me

incorporating movement back into my day.

506

: 00:25:00

'cause I wasn't doing that.

507

: 00:25:01

I was socially isolated.

508

: 00:25:03

Just me and my baby at home.

509

: 00:25:05

And my husband would go to work

and come back and he was the

510

: 00:25:07

only person I would ever see.

511

: 00:25:09

Mm-hmm.

512

: 00:25:09

Um, and these are kind of obvious

things as you, as you think about them,

513

: 00:25:12

but when you're in it, they're not.

514

: 00:25:14

They're not.

515

: 00:25:14

No.

516

: 00:25:15

Tony Tidbit: You're a

hundred percent right.

517

: 00:25:16

You know, you know, there's an

old saying that pigs don't know.

518

: 00:25:18

Pigs stink.

519

: 00:25:19

Yes.

520

: 00:25:19

Okay.

521

: 00:25:20

When you're in the Pigpen,

everything seems normal.

522

: 00:25:22

As soon as you get out the

Pigpen, the first thing you say

523

: 00:25:25

is, what's that funky smell?

524

: 00:25:27

Okay, so you're a hundred percent right.

525

: 00:25:29

So how did you elevate out of it?

526

: 00:25:32

And then more importantly, then created

a business to help other people,

527

: 00:25:39

especially high achievers, because

that's really nine times outta 10.

528

: 00:25:42

Those are the individuals that, and I,

I'll be honest with you, not everything

529

: 00:25:47

that you went through is verbatim

for me, but I I've been through that.

530

: 00:25:52

Right, right.

531

: 00:25:53

And I've seen a bunch of

people go through that.

532

: 00:25:56

So talk a little bit about that.

533

: 00:25:57

Seema Desai: Yeah.

534

: 00:25:58

Well, and I think that's just

really, it is, you, you mentioned

535

: 00:26:01

this idea of working hard, right.

536

: 00:26:03

And we, we believe that that's what we're

taught is work hard and you're gonna get

537

: 00:26:06

the results that you want and it costs.

538

: 00:26:10

So what I think people don't

know is that you don't have to.

539

: 00:26:16

I want you guys to, to

really listen to this.

540

: 00:26:18

When I say you don't have to

work hard, you do not have to

541

: 00:26:24

work hard by way of knowing all

the answers and grinding it out.

542

: 00:26:30

You do have to show up consistently.

543

: 00:26:34

There will be times where it is

challenging, some days will be harder

544

: 00:26:39

than others, but you don't need

to kill yourself or have all the

545

: 00:26:43

answers in order to get, not only to

where you wanna go, but beyond where

546

: 00:26:48

you ever thought possible, right?

547

: 00:26:50

And so when I, you know, it was

a, a surreal experience for me to

548

: 00:26:54

listen to you share my intro with

the audience because no way would I

549

: 00:27:01

have ever been able to predict all of

that being true and me feeling really

550

: 00:27:05

good about it and not having that

self-doubt about, oh, I don't know, you

551

: 00:27:09

know, that, that doesn't seem right.

552

: 00:27:11

I don't know that I'm qualified.

553

: 00:27:12

No.

554

: 00:27:13

Um, I think.

555

: 00:27:16

When I first decided to stop

practicing dentistry, I remember

556

: 00:27:21

my son was eight and he kept asking

me, mommy, what are you gonna do?

557

: 00:27:24

What are you gonna do now?

558

: 00:27:25

What are you gonna do now?

559

: 00:27:27

And I didn't know, and I think

we tell ourselves as high, high

560

: 00:27:31

achievers, who by the way, we got

to where we are by having a plan.

561

: 00:27:35

Tony Tidbit: There's no question,

562

: 00:27:36

Seema Desai: right?

563

: 00:27:37

I know I need to do well in school,

and then I need to get into university.

564

: 00:27:41

When I get into university, I need

to take this exam so I can get into

565

: 00:27:43

my MBA or I can get into my law

school or medical school or what.

566

: 00:27:47

Like we know exactly what exams we need

to do well on, what classes we need

567

: 00:27:52

to do to prepare us for that outcome.

568

: 00:27:55

Um, and I'm not saying that

that doesn't have value, right?

569

: 00:27:58

It, it is not a, an exclusive

either this or that.

570

: 00:28:02

It is a yes and scenario.

571

: 00:28:04

So for me, this looked like, and

for my clients, what they, what they

572

: 00:28:08

discover for themselves to be true.

573

: 00:28:11

'cause they don't have

to have all the answers.

574

: 00:28:13

Their plan needs to be, uh, more

focused on, alright, how can

575

: 00:28:19

I feel at ease in the moment?

576

: 00:28:21

How can I actually feel

confident in the moment?

577

: 00:28:26

Um, even when I don't know the answers,

when things feel out of control, um,

578

: 00:28:31

getting clear on when am I in judgment?

579

: 00:28:33

When am I having this strong desire to

dig deeper and push harder and learning

580

: 00:28:38

to ease up, because that's physiologically

when your brain can make those

581

: 00:28:43

executive decisions a little bit better.

582

: 00:28:45

Right?

583

: 00:28:46

When we're stressed, we're focusing

only on, we're only able to use the

584

: 00:28:50

lower part of our nervous system.

585

: 00:28:52

So our decision making is affected.

586

: 00:28:54

We're not able to see all the

opportunities in front of us.

587

: 00:28:56

And importantly, we fool ourselves into

thinking that the opportunities in front

588

: 00:29:03

of us are gonna get us to where we want.

589

: 00:29:07

Right,

590

: 00:29:08

Tony Tidbit: right.

591

: 00:29:08

Seema Desai: But for me, what happened

was I had no idea and I just took it, you

592

: 00:29:13

know, some days it was one day at a time.

593

: 00:29:15

Other, you know, just trusting.

594

: 00:29:17

And I know that sounds very

amorphous and very, we want the

595

: 00:29:21

plan, we want a step by step.

596

: 00:29:23

But guys, your greatest expression of

who you are, that is a divine plan.

597

: 00:29:32

That's a divine plan.

598

: 00:29:33

That's why it's not clear to you

right now as you are stressed, as you

599

: 00:29:36

are navigating all of these things.

600

: 00:29:38

So when you stop and slow down and

say, all right, and, and an example

601

: 00:29:43

for me is I wanted to go back

and, and do yoga teacher training.

602

: 00:29:48

Um, that's what I tried

to do, tried to do.

603

: 00:29:51

And the universe kept

shutting me down, right?

604

: 00:29:52

For whatever reason, I never

actually, still to this day

605

: 00:29:56

have done yoga teacher training.

606

: 00:29:57

But what did come through

was going to coaching school.

607

: 00:30:01

I was getting coached myself, and

then I'd finished with my engagement

608

: 00:30:05

with my coach, and then I had another

friend reach out and she said, you

609

: 00:30:08

know, I'm gonna do this coaching thing.

610

: 00:30:10

It was during the pandemic.

611

: 00:30:11

And she said, I think you would

really enjoy it even if you don't

612

: 00:30:15

want to become a professional coach.

613

: 00:30:17

Um, and then through that and social media

posting and things like, I, I did go to

614

: 00:30:24

coaching school and turns out coaching is

just all the theoretics of yoga applied.

615

: 00:30:29

Right, right.

616

: 00:30:30

It's not the actual physical

pose, but it's the non-judgment.

617

: 00:30:32

It's the, the non-violence, the, the

do no harm, the, all of those things.

618

: 00:30:37

Um, and I, I don't, I

wound up publishing a book.

619

: 00:30:43

I never thought I would do that.

620

: 00:30:46

That was literally,

these things just happen.

621

: 00:30:48

They fall into place.

622

: 00:30:50

Because what happens is you start

thinking more authentically.

623

: 00:30:54

And the universe, quantum physics.

624

: 00:30:56

I know it sounds really, again, some

people might, might dismiss this as,

625

: 00:31:00

um, illogical or fluff, but really the

quantum physics and, and how this works

626

: 00:31:06

is you start tapping into a higher

frequency of existence and then what you

627

: 00:31:13

actually want to create will find you.

628

: 00:31:14

Right, right.

629

: 00:31:15

But there has to be a frequency

match and then it just happens.

630

: 00:31:18

It's called the Law of Least Effort.

631

: 00:31:20

And a book that I'd love to recommend

to, to, um, your listeners is Deepak

632

: 00:31:24

Chopra's book, the Seven Laws of

Spiritual Success or something like that.

633

: 00:31:28

I have it on my, one of my kids might,

might have it, I don't know, but it's,

634

: 00:31:32

the Seven Laws of Spiritual Success

is, I believe what it's called.

635

: 00:31:35

It's a short book.

636

: 00:31:35

It's like seven bucks on Amazon.

637

: 00:31:37

But it, he does a beautiful job of

explaining why it's so critically

638

: 00:31:40

important to, to stop forcing our

way through and just be present with

639

: 00:31:47

what is now so that you can actually.

640

: 00:31:50

Easefully create what it is that

you want and what's meant for you,

641

: 00:31:54

Tony Tidbit: you know?

642

: 00:31:55

So number one, thank you for that.

643

: 00:31:57

It, and unfortunately, it

seems you have to, you have

644

: 00:32:00

to, you have to get broke down.

645

: 00:32:02

Okay.

646

: 00:32:03

You have to, you know, get to a

point where, what's that old famine,

647

: 00:32:07

Lou Hamer saying, I, I'm sick and

tired of being sick and tired.

648

: 00:32:10

Mm-hmm.

649

: 00:32:11

Right?

650

: 00:32:11

Uh, because I would imagine most of

your, um, um, uh, clients are people who.

651

: 00:32:21

Fit that bill.

652

: 00:32:22

Yeah.

653

: 00:32:22

Versus somebody who comes in and says,

you know what, before I get started with

654

: 00:32:27

this stuff, I wanna make sure that I'm

in alignment and stuff to that nature.

655

: 00:32:31

Nine times outta 10, that doesn't happen.

656

: 00:32:33

Right?

657

: 00:32:33

No, it ha You have to get to a point,

like, with your own, uh, personal

658

: 00:32:38

story and my own story and everybody

else's story where you get to a point

659

: 00:32:43

because you don't know that you're

gonna break and you may hear it and,

660

: 00:32:47

and, and people may tell you you're

doing too much or take a step back.

661

: 00:32:51

I, I could imagine you probably had

friends and family telling you at

662

: 00:32:54

the same time, look, see much chill.

663

: 00:32:56

It's gonna be okay.

664

: 00:32:57

And you're looking at 'em like,

what are you talking about?

665

: 00:32:59

Okay.

666

: 00:33:00

So I, I, I think, you know,

people sometimes they have

667

: 00:33:03

to, you know, hit rock bottom

668

: 00:33:05

Seema Desai: Yeah.

669

: 00:33:06

Tony Tidbit: Before

they get to that point.

670

: 00:33:07

But go ahead.

671

: 00:33:07

You were gonna, you were gonna interject.

672

: 00:33:08

Seema Desai: No, I, I

was just gonna agree.

673

: 00:33:09

But you know, the, the thing about

high achievers is we're often

674

: 00:33:12

surrounded by other high achievers.

675

: 00:33:13

So,

676

: 00:33:14

Tony Tidbit: and this is so true.

677

: 00:33:16

It's so true, right?

678

: 00:33:17

So, and then the people who are not

high achievers saying, Hey, you need

679

: 00:33:21

to chill out, you looking at them.

680

: 00:33:22

That's why you sitting where you are.

681

: 00:33:24

Get outta my face.

682

: 00:33:26

No, no.

683

: 00:33:26

So then that's our mindset, right?

684

: 00:33:28

Yeah.

685

: 00:33:28

So it becomes tough to do unless you get

to that point where you are like, because

686

: 00:33:34

we, and look, I re and, and I love the

spirituality because to me, and that's

687

: 00:33:39

biblical right, is at some point you gotta

let this, you gotta let it go, right?

688

: 00:33:43

Yeah.

689

: 00:33:43

And you gotta give it to God

and you gotta keep moving.

690

: 00:33:46

And I remember I had a situation,

this was years ago, man, where I was,

691

: 00:33:50

I was, I mean, pulling, burning the

candle at both ends of the stick.

692

: 00:33:56

And I remember being at work.

693

: 00:33:59

I never forgot this.

694

: 00:34:01

BEP Narrator: If you like what you

hear and wanna join us on this journey

695

: 00:34:03

of making uncomfortable conversations

comfortable, please subscribe to A

696

: 00:34:07

Black Executive Perspective podcast

on YouTube, apple Podcasts, Spotify,

697

: 00:34:12

or wherever you get your podcasts.

698

: 00:34:13

Hit subscribe now to stay

connected for more episodes.

699

: 00:34:16

That challenge inspire

and lead the change.

700

: 00:34:19

Tony Tidbit: And it came to a

point where everything seemed

701

: 00:34:22

like it was crashing down on me.

702

: 00:34:24

Mm-hmm.

703

: 00:34:25

All at one time.

704

: 00:34:26

Yeah.

705

: 00:34:27

And I remember I left work

in the middle of the day.

706

: 00:34:30

I just left and I went home.

707

: 00:34:33

And my mother-in-law, this was my first

marriage, my mother-in-law was there.

708

: 00:34:37

Mm-hmm.

709

: 00:34:37

And you know, we had a good relationship,

but we wasn't all that tight.

710

: 00:34:40

But I walked through the door and

she said, why are you home from work?

711

: 00:34:45

And I went up to her and I hugged

her and I cried uncontrollably.

712

: 00:34:52

Yeah.

713

: 00:34:53

For a good 10 50.

714

: 00:34:55

I mean, every, and I'm, and

this is a person who didn't cry.

715

: 00:34:59

This is a person who was

taught men shouldn't cry.

716

: 00:35:03

Mm-hmm.

717

: 00:35:03

You know, it's weakness if you cry.

718

: 00:35:05

All those things.

719

: 00:35:06

I held all that in.

720

: 00:35:09

And then fell into her arms and cried

uncontrollably for 10 to 15 minutes.

721

: 00:35:19

Okay.

722

: 00:35:19

I was at my bottom and I

remember her saying to me, Tony,

723

: 00:35:24

you gotta give this to God.

724

: 00:35:26

You gotta give it to Jesus.

725

: 00:35:27

And I mean that I, and I felt a lift.

726

: 00:35:32

Mm-hmm.

727

: 00:35:33

Come off my, you know, so

back to the rock bottom.

728

: 00:35:38

I get it.

729

: 00:35:39

I totally get it.

730

: 00:35:41

Right.

731

: 00:35:41

So talk a little bit about your clients

and some of the things that you prescribe

732

: 00:35:49

them to be able to do to slowly.

733

: 00:35:53

'cause I love the law.

734

: 00:35:54

You know, there's a book I read

called the, um, it was, the Law

735

: 00:35:57

is, I forget it was by Bob Berg.

736

: 00:36:00

Mm-hmm.

737

: 00:36:00

It was a different law though.

738

: 00:36:02

It was the same law, but a different, um.

739

: 00:36:04

Uh, nomenclature.

740

: 00:36:05

It was called the law left field.

741

: 00:36:07

Okay.

742

: 00:36:08

That you put all this energy out, right.

743

: 00:36:11

And you're expecting it

to come from this way.

744

: 00:36:13

Mm-hmm.

745

: 00:36:13

Right?

746

: 00:36:14

But then all of a sudden it

comes from over here and be boom.

747

: 00:36:17

And you're like, and then

people are like, you were lucky.

748

: 00:36:19

No, I wasn't lucky that, that's

me putting all this energy out.

749

: 00:36:24

So talk a little bit about some

of the things you've prescribed.

750

: 00:36:27

Yeah.

751

: 00:36:27

To a person like me who was broke down,

who cried uncontrollably, high achiever,

752

: 00:36:33

talk to me, doc, what would you do?

753

: 00:36:35

I get an, do I take an apple, I get

an aspirin, or you know what, what I'm

754

: 00:36:38

saying, Tylenol, go home, talk to me.

755

: 00:36:40

Seema Desai: And, and

that's the thing, right?

756

: 00:36:42

Is I, I talk so much about awareness, but

what you do with that awareness, right?

757

: 00:36:49

Recognizing for you in that moment, coming

home to your mother-in-law and crying, you

758

: 00:36:55

know, you kind of hinted at this question

earlier, do we need to hit rock bottom?

759

: 00:36:58

I think for some of us, especially

high achievers, we do have to kind of.

760

: 00:37:03

Have that bottom, we need to have

something that's the impetus for change.

761

: 00:37:07

Um, and then for some of us, it could

be just, you know, a friend having

762

: 00:37:11

a triple bypass surgery at age 40

and that's the, oh my God, I don't

763

: 00:37:14

wanna, you know, leave my wife and

kids, um, at, at such a young age.

764

: 00:37:20

It, it, it could look like rock bottom

can look like and feel like very different

765

: 00:37:24

things for very different people.

766

: 00:37:25

So it doesn't mean that you're just

gonna wind up in the hospital or behind

767

: 00:37:30

bars and that's your rock bottom.

768

: 00:37:32

Right.

769

: 00:37:32

Right.

770

: 00:37:32

So, so I wanna acknowledge, you know,

what, what that looked like for you.

771

: 00:37:36

Yes.

772

: 00:37:37

The, that narrative of, you

know, we don't cry and big girls

773

: 00:37:41

don't cry and big boys don't cry.

774

: 00:37:43

Especially when the expectations and,

and we don't have the privilege as people

775

: 00:37:47

of color, we don't have that margin.

776

: 00:37:50

Right.

777

: 00:37:50

No, we've gotta overperform No, we gotta

778

: 00:37:52

Tony Tidbit: overperform over.

779

: 00:37:54

Seema Desai: Exactly.

780

: 00:37:55

And so I wanna acknowledge

that that is true.

781

: 00:37:57

And also, and also.

782

: 00:38:03

90% is up to us.

783

: 00:38:05

And so we have to

cultivate this awareness.

784

: 00:38:07

Just, you know, but then not judge

ourselves for when that happens.

785

: 00:38:13

And I'll give you an example.

786

: 00:38:16

Um, say my son says

something to me, right?

787

: 00:38:20

And I feel like it's not what I wanted

to hear, or maybe I, you know, whatever

788

: 00:38:26

the situation is, and we get into a

little bit of back and forth, right?

789

: 00:38:31

That is a result of me

being in judgment of him.

790

: 00:38:36

Now, you can hold a boundary, and this is,

this is a, you know, it's a learned skill.

791

: 00:38:43

I want to reiterate to listeners, this

is not something that, it is intuitive,

792

: 00:38:47

but it's, it's something that you

need to cultivate and strengthen.

793

: 00:38:50

Um, but recognizing when you're

in judgment, I don't like what

794

: 00:38:53

this person is saying or doing.

795

: 00:38:55

I, you know, I, this is

right or wrong, good or bad.

796

: 00:38:59

Um, helpful, not helpful.

797

: 00:39:01

This is, you know, hard or easy.

798

: 00:39:03

Those are all judgements.

799

: 00:39:05

And when we sit there and we say, oh,

man, I, I shouldn't have snapped at him.

800

: 00:39:12

I shouldn't have, uh, what, you

know, reacted in the way that I did.

801

: 00:39:18

Now I'm judging myself for judging myself.

802

: 00:39:21

Right?

803

: 00:39:21

And that's, that's kind of

where I actually am Earlier.

804

: 00:39:25

It was just recognizing

like, oh, I got mad.

805

: 00:39:29

Okay.

806

: 00:39:30

Instead of being upset for getting mad,

or upset for being stressed, or upset

807

: 00:39:34

for whatever, however you reacted, just

recognize in, in your moment, I'm there

808

: 00:39:41

and I'm crying with my mother-in-law.

809

: 00:39:43

That doesn't make me weak.

810

: 00:39:45

That doesn't make me less capable,

that doesn't mean anything other than

811

: 00:39:52

I need to be here now, be present.

812

: 00:39:55

If I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling sad.

813

: 00:39:58

If I'm feeling like I wanna

cry, that is a human reaction.

814

: 00:40:02

Tony Tidbit: It's okay.

815

: 00:40:03

It's okay.

816

: 00:40:04

Seema Desai: You would never blame a lion

for roaring or a zebra for having stripes.

817

: 00:40:10

Crying is a human thing, so we

don't need to make it a problem.

818

: 00:40:17

Right?

819

: 00:40:18

So that's kind of where I start to,

that's where we get ourselves as

820

: 00:40:21

high achievers is it's not only the

awareness, oh this is, these are the

821

: 00:40:25

patterns that are creating my, my issues.

822

: 00:40:27

But now I'm gonna judge myself

for having those patterns, even

823

: 00:40:30

though I quote unquote know better.

824

: 00:40:32

Well, no, we're learning,

we're rewiring our brains.

825

: 00:40:36

So you know that that is something that I

think most people tend to, to fall off on.

826

: 00:40:41

Tony Tidbit: So would that

be like the first step?

827

: 00:40:44

So if we had to, and again,

everybody's situation is different.

828

: 00:40:48

Okay, sure.

829

: 00:40:48

As you acknowledge, right?

830

: 00:40:49

But if they hit rock

bottom wherever they are.

831

: 00:40:53

Right.

832

: 00:40:53

And now they wanna start making change.

833

: 00:40:56

Mm-hmm.

834

: 00:40:56

Is the first step just really

acknowledging that you're a human being.

835

: 00:41:00

Yeah.

836

: 00:41:01

And not, you know, that it is what it is.

837

: 00:41:04

Yeah.

838

: 00:41:04

And not to judge

yourself, um, and be okay.

839

: 00:41:08

Recognize that you are you, is

that the, that's what I'm hearing

840

: 00:41:11

here, is that the first step?

841

: 00:41:13

Seema Desai: Absolutely.

842

: 00:41:13

It, that's absolutely it.

843

: 00:41:14

Where you are, you would not, you

know, you would not get to where

844

: 00:41:19

you are divinely meant to be without

being here now in this moment.

845

: 00:41:25

Acknowledge that.

846

: 00:41:26

Accept it.

847

: 00:41:27

I'm, you know, I'm at rock bottom.

848

: 00:41:28

Okay.

849

: 00:41:30

Anybody look at, look out there

at anybody who's done anything

850

: 00:41:33

great ever, never is there.

851

: 00:41:36

And I try to stay away from never

and always, but I think, you know, we

852

: 00:41:40

can safely say, never do these people

who have accomplished amazing things,

853

: 00:41:45

never have they said, oh, it was easy.

854

: 00:41:47

All the time.

855

: 00:41:47

I never had any challenges.

856

: 00:41:49

Tony Tidbit: And that's a fair,

that's an excellent point, right.

857

: 00:41:53

Is that, you know, a lot of times

we think that God frowned on us.

858

: 00:42:00

Mm-hmm.

859

: 00:42:01

Okay.

860

: 00:42:02

That our situation is everybody

else is living and, and, and

861

: 00:42:06

enjoying themselves and, and they're

not dealing with these issues.

862

: 00:42:10

And it is only me.

863

: 00:42:12

Yeah.

864

: 00:42:12

Okay.

865

: 00:42:13

And you are a hundred.

866

: 00:42:14

And then so we put ourselves on an island.

867

: 00:42:17

Right.

868

: 00:42:18

And you know, Gilligan's

still waiting to be rescued.

869

: 00:42:21

Absolutely.

870

: 00:42:22

Okay.

871

: 00:42:22

Yeah.

872

: 00:42:22

Because at the end of the day, we

don't recognize that other people

873

: 00:42:26

are dealing with the exact same

issues, maybe even worse, to be fair.

874

: 00:42:31

Right.

875

: 00:42:31

Right.

876

: 00:42:32

So talk a little bit about how one of

your, your, your, your, your clients Yeah.

877

: 00:42:37

Made one simple change that created

a ripple effect in their life mm-hmm.

878

: 00:42:44

Where they went from rock bottom and

then now they're over and they are

879

: 00:42:49

just in, you know, heaven and, and I

don't wanna say heaven, but they've

880

: 00:42:54

really turned their situation around.

881

: 00:42:56

Seema Desai: Yeah.

882

: 00:42:57

Well, and you, first of all, I

think we create our self-created

883

: 00:43:00

hell or self, self-created heaven.

884

: 00:43:02

Really, truly.

885

: 00:43:03

Um, so, and there's so many client stories

that just flooded my brains, uh, my

886

: 00:43:08

brain when you, when you ask that, but.

887

: 00:43:11

You know, I'll share

really two quick ones.

888

: 00:43:13

One I just had coached, um, this female

physician, she was up for a promotion

889

: 00:43:20

and, you know, from an Asian background.

890

: 00:43:24

And she's like, well, you

know, I'm up for this thing.

891

: 00:43:28

If I take it, I'm gonna

be away from my kids more.

892

: 00:43:32

I'm gonna be seeing patients

less, but I don't wanna tell my

893

: 00:43:35

parents, you know, that I turned

down a promotion and a pay raise.

894

: 00:43:39

Like, what kind of, what is that?

895

: 00:43:42

That's opposite of what

they taught me to do.

896

: 00:43:44

Um, and, and, you know, watching her

and coaching her through so that she

897

: 00:43:51

could recognize, oh my gosh, taking this

promotion would mean that I would be

898

: 00:43:57

living a life that I didn't wanna live.

899

: 00:43:59

I want time with my kids.

900

: 00:44:02

I want to see my patients.

901

: 00:44:04

I want to be able to have bandwidth to

maybe do some gardening on the weekends.

902

: 00:44:10

And if I say yes to this promotion, I'm

saying no to all of those things that by

903

: 00:44:16

accepting that promotion, then I would

say, oh, I'm gonna grumble about the fact

904

: 00:44:19

that I can't garden and this and that.

905

: 00:44:22

Right?

906

: 00:44:22

So you've gotta make a choice.

907

: 00:44:24

And I, I really don't like the

word compromise, because when

908

: 00:44:27

you're making an empowered choice,

no longer is it a compromise.

909

: 00:44:31

A compromise means that

you're giving up on something.

910

: 00:44:33

Right?

911

: 00:44:34

Tony Tidbit: Right,

912

: 00:44:35

Seema Desai: right.

913

: 00:44:35

No, we wanna make empowered choices and

they may not be choices that we like.

914

: 00:44:40

You know, I don't wanna pay taxes

necessarily, but when I pay taxes,

915

: 00:44:45

I wanna be grateful that I had an

income that I, you know, had ways to,

916

: 00:44:52

you know, that there's things that

the government does for us, right?

917

: 00:44:54

Like there's a system in place.

918

: 00:44:57

So even, even something like

paying taxes, nobody wants to pay

919

: 00:44:59

taxes, but you can still infuse.

920

: 00:45:04

Uh, an empowerment there.

921

: 00:45:05

A, a a level of gratitude.

922

: 00:45:07

No, I'm, I'm doing this with not, it's

not what you do, it's how you do it.

923

: 00:45:11

Right.

924

: 00:45:11

Well,

925

: 00:45:11

Tony Tidbit: I think, I think also

though, you said the key thing though.

926

: 00:45:14

I, I really, which I really, you know,

I'm just sitting here thinking as you,

927

: 00:45:17

as you stated it, you said, I want, yeah.

928

: 00:45:20

Right.

929

: 00:45:21

I want, I want a garden.

930

: 00:45:24

I, so if I do this thing.

931

: 00:45:26

If I get this, yeah.

932

: 00:45:27

It'll be okay.

933

: 00:45:28

Yeah.

934

: 00:45:29

But it's not gonna give me what I want.

935

: 00:45:31

Yeah.

936

: 00:45:32

Right.

937

: 00:45:32

That's gonna make me

happy as an individual.

938

: 00:45:36

Right.

939

: 00:45:37

And so I think that's a huge, and I don't,

I don't think a lot of times we go to

940

: 00:45:41

that, we go to, well, I'm gonna take it.

941

: 00:45:43

You know, it is not really what I

really wanna do, but you know what?

942

: 00:45:46

I feel I have to do it.

943

: 00:45:48

Alright.

944

: 00:45:49

So we start compromising and then next

thing you know, we're down a rabbit hole.

945

: 00:45:52

Yeah.

946

: 00:45:53

Okay.

947

: 00:45:53

Because it's not what we want, it's

something we think we need to do.

948

: 00:45:57

Right?

949

: 00:45:57

Yeah.

950

: 00:45:58

And so, and here's the other thing.

951

: 00:45:59

Let me, well, let me hear you a second.

952

: 00:46:01

Let a second.

953

: 00:46:01

Uh, yeah.

954

: 00:46:02

Just forget,

955

: 00:46:03

Seema Desai: you know, the, the

question I get is, how long does it

956

: 00:46:05

take for me to feel the effects of this?

957

: 00:46:07

Yeah.

958

: 00:46:07

Right?

959

: 00:46:07

And they think, people think because

it's a new skill, it's gonna take time.

960

: 00:46:11

The beauty of this is, it's an instant.

961

: 00:46:14

I had a client once who said,

um, you know, we had just

962

: 00:46:17

started coaching together.

963

: 00:46:19

She wound up.

964

: 00:46:20

At a, a, her company was sponsoring

a golf tournament and she said,

965

: 00:46:24

I hate going to these things.

966

: 00:46:25

I'm not really great at golf.

967

: 00:46:27

I don't enjoy it.

968

: 00:46:28

I always feel, you know,

insert all of her reasons.

969

: 00:46:32

And what's, what happened was she wound

up at this golf tournament and somebody,

970

: 00:46:37

she was one of the few women there, one

of the other women came up to her and

971

: 00:46:41

made a, an off-color remark about, you

know, her golf game and what that meant

972

: 00:46:48

as far as what kind of worker she was.

973

: 00:46:50

And it was this whole thing.

974

: 00:46:52

And she said, you know, in that moment,

because we had just come off of a coaching

975

: 00:46:55

session and I had guided her through, um,

I call my framework crossing the bridge.

976

: 00:47:00

So it's three steps.

977

: 00:47:02

Um, the first step is creating

awareness for when you are in

978

: 00:47:06

what I call guard mode, right?

979

: 00:47:07

Any icky feeling, any sense of stress.

980

: 00:47:09

Um, when you're feeling embarrassed,

when you're feeling worried, when you're

981

: 00:47:12

feeling, you know, any type of stress.

982

: 00:47:15

That's your breadcrumb.

983

: 00:47:18

To shift, right?

984

: 00:47:19

So she said, all right.

985

: 00:47:21

I knew that what this person said was

gonna stress me out, so I excused myself.

986

: 00:47:27

And then she went through

a couple of techniques.

987

: 00:47:30

There's various things you can do, breath

work, you can do tapping, you can, um,

988

: 00:47:34

you know, you can pray, you can meditate,

you can uh, even do some movement

989

: 00:47:39

with some light running something.

990

: 00:47:41

Um, but I, she had a set of things that

she practiced and in that coming back

991

: 00:47:48

and centering her nervous system back

into, um, the parasympathetic right, not

992

: 00:47:54

the non-stressed, she was able to have

her nervous system come back online.

993

: 00:47:58

And her intuition then kicked

in and she said, you know what?

994

: 00:48:03

That person's remarks, that's about

them and their own insecurities.

995

: 00:48:07

That has nothing to do with me.

996

: 00:48:09

And so she was able to come back

and she said, you know what?

997

: 00:48:12

I just didn't let it bother me and I

played the best golf game of my life, and

998

: 00:48:17

I actually closed a deal in the process.

999

: 00:48:20

Tony Tidbit: Wow, awesome.

: 1000

00:48:20,655 --> 00:48:21,165

And, you know,

: 1001

00:48:21,165 --> 00:48:26,385

Seema Desai: so we, we can actually

perform better if we just have that

: 1002

00:48:26,385 --> 00:48:28,545

awareness and don't judge ourselves.

: 1003

00:48:29,025 --> 00:48:30,855

Our intuitions will kick in

and take care of the rest.

: 1004

00:48:31,155 --> 00:48:32,115

Tony Tidbit: I love that story.

: 1005

00:48:32,115 --> 00:48:33,045

I love those stories.

: 1006

00:48:33,045 --> 00:48:34,065

I love your energy.

: 1007

00:48:34,065 --> 00:48:36,885

I love everything that

you're bringing to the table.

: 1008

00:48:36,885 --> 00:48:37,545

My sister.

: 1009

00:48:37,665 --> 00:48:42,555

And, and so you, when we went back

to the stats, when you said 90% Yeah.

: 1010

00:48:42,585 --> 00:48:45,165

Is within our control and 10% is what?

: 1011

00:48:45,585 --> 00:48:47,115

That right there epitomizes that.

: 1012

00:48:47,445 --> 00:48:47,775

Right?

: 1013

00:48:47,775 --> 00:48:51,405

Because that was a mindset

sh that was a mindset shift.

: 1014

00:48:51,525 --> 00:48:53,985

And that was, let me take a step back.

: 1015

00:48:53,990 --> 00:48:54,400

Mm-hmm.

: 1016

00:48:54,580 --> 00:48:55,640

Let me get my thoughts.

: 1017

00:48:55,950 --> 00:48:56,960

This ain't about me.

: 1018

00:48:57,795 --> 00:48:59,565

This is about that person.

: 1019

00:48:59,565 --> 00:49:01,845

I'm not gonna let that

person steal my joy.

: 1020

00:49:02,235 --> 00:49:04,185

And that was a choice.

: 1021

00:49:04,365 --> 00:49:04,485

Yes.

: 1022

00:49:04,485 --> 00:49:04,875

Right.

: 1023

00:49:05,115 --> 00:49:10,035

And so what I'm hearing is a lot of

these things is stuff that we can change.

: 1024

00:49:10,065 --> 00:49:10,905

And I love what you said.

: 1025

00:49:10,905 --> 00:49:15,165

That was instant, you know,

not instant, but it was fast.

: 1026

00:49:15,165 --> 00:49:15,615

Right?

: 1027

00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:15,920

Right.

: 1028

00:49:15,975 --> 00:49:21,975

And so that is awesome, and I can

see why, um, you're so successful.

: 1029

00:49:22,545 --> 00:49:25,245

And matter of fact, I'm gonna have to see

if I can, you know, get an appointment.

: 1030

00:49:25,575 --> 00:49:25,905

Right.

: 1031

00:49:25,905 --> 00:49:28,965

So I can come in, you can sit down

and talk to the tidbit, and so we

: 1032

00:49:28,965 --> 00:49:30,465

can, you know, you can help me out.

: 1033

00:49:30,465 --> 00:49:30,885

Right.

: 1034

00:49:31,575 --> 00:49:33,135

Let me ask you this final thoughts.

: 1035

00:49:33,135 --> 00:49:36,585

What do, well, let me, before we

go to final thoughts, let's, let's

: 1036

00:49:36,585 --> 00:49:38,025

do, let me ask you this question.

: 1037

00:49:38,475 --> 00:49:40,695

Do you think people of color mm-hmm.

: 1038

00:49:42,375 --> 00:49:46,635

Do they have a harder time

in terms of letting go?

: 1039

00:49:46,725 --> 00:49:49,035

Especially I'm talking to high achievers.

: 1040

00:49:49,065 --> 00:49:49,155

Mm-hmm.

: 1041

00:49:49,485 --> 00:49:52,245

Because you, you know, you said

something earlier, which is so true.

: 1042

00:49:52,605 --> 00:49:52,965

Right.

: 1043

00:49:52,965 --> 00:49:55,905

We feel that we have to work

twice as hard as everyone else.

: 1044

00:49:56,175 --> 00:49:59,655

We feel that if we don't show up

and look a certain way or speak a

: 1045

00:49:59,655 --> 00:50:01,695

certain way, we're being judged.

: 1046

00:50:01,695 --> 00:50:05,715

It's gonna, it's going to hamper

our ability to move forward.

: 1047

00:50:06,015 --> 00:50:10,275

We feel that if we can't, if we, if we

took our foot off the gas, like some of

: 1048

00:50:10,275 --> 00:50:15,795

our colleagues and stuff, we wouldn't

get recognized for opportunities, right?

: 1049

00:50:15,795 --> 00:50:19,575

If we don't take care of our kids a

certain way, they're gonna be, uh, you

: 1050

00:50:19,575 --> 00:50:23,565

know, uh, stereotyped or generalized as

this and that, or we're not gonna be,

: 1051

00:50:23,835 --> 00:50:27,555

you know, this is what this group of

parents do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

: 1052

00:50:27,795 --> 00:50:28,095

Talk.

: 1053

00:50:28,095 --> 00:50:29,085

Tell me a little bit about that.

: 1054

00:50:29,085 --> 00:50:29,835

What's your thoughts on that?

: 1055

00:50:31,665 --> 00:50:37,275

Seema Desai: I believe the more and

more I do this work, it is critical

: 1056

00:50:37,875 --> 00:50:41,385

to be very careful of that narrative.

: 1057

00:50:42,855 --> 00:50:48,196

Because while it may be true that,

look, I'm gonna acknowledge society as

: 1058

00:50:48,405 --> 00:50:50,415

it is right now, it is not equitable.

: 1059

00:50:50,730 --> 00:50:52,319

It is not equitable for people of color.

: 1060

00:50:52,740 --> 00:50:56,730

It is not equitable for, for

women, it is not equitable.

: 1061

00:50:56,790 --> 00:50:59,460

Um, in, in many, many other ways.

: 1062

00:50:59,460 --> 00:50:59,730

Right?

: 1063

00:50:59,730 --> 00:51:03,180

People with disabilities, people

who don't identify in this, in the

: 1064

00:51:03,180 --> 00:51:07,500

cisgender, heteronormative, like

there are all sorts of inequities.

: 1065

00:51:09,299 --> 00:51:15,870

And also if we allow ourselves to keep

feeding into this, what we're doing

: 1066

00:51:15,870 --> 00:51:19,200

is giving that 10% a lot of power.

: 1067

00:51:19,205 --> 00:51:19,504

Tony Tidbit: Mm-hmm.

: 1068

00:51:19,504 --> 00:51:19,919

And what we

: 1069

00:51:19,919 --> 00:51:21,089

Seema Desai: focus on gets bigger.

: 1070

00:51:21,540 --> 00:51:21,690

Tony Tidbit: Mm-hmm.

: 1071

00:51:22,049 --> 00:51:28,710

Seema Desai: So there's an art to a yes

and acknowledge, but then understand

: 1072

00:51:28,710 --> 00:51:31,049

how much power we actually do have.

: 1073

00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:31,770

Mm-hmm.

: 1074

00:51:31,770 --> 00:51:36,330

Because what happens then is when we, and

I'll, and I'll give you um, an example.

: 1075

00:51:36,330 --> 00:51:40,169

I was just last week sitting at

a table with three white men.

: 1076

00:51:41,430 --> 00:51:44,820

And I had a moment of, I don't

know what I'm doing at this table.

: 1077

00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:47,700

I don't know that I'm going

to resonate with any of 'em.

: 1078

00:51:47,910 --> 00:51:52,500

Even though most of the people in the room

I knew were, were, they're change makers.

: 1079

00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:52,830

Right.

: 1080

00:51:52,830 --> 00:51:58,200

I inherently, the populace was not a cross

section of, of the general population.

: 1081

00:51:58,200 --> 00:51:58,201

Right,

: 1082

00:51:58,206 --> 00:51:59,040

Tony Tidbit: right, right, right.

: 1083

00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,730

Seema Desai: But even within that, there

was a moment of, Ooh, I don't know.

: 1084

00:52:03,240 --> 00:52:10,800

And when I just acknowledged it and said,

I'm gonna be myself, what happened was two

: 1085

00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:15,180

of those men came up to me separately and

said, I really enjoyed our conversation.

: 1086

00:52:16,380 --> 00:52:19,740

And that, that meaningful

connection, that's all we want.

: 1087

00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:24,690

So when we can show up for ourselves

out of non-judgment and compassion and

: 1088

00:52:24,690 --> 00:52:31,890

acceptance, and then we're fully vibrant

and alive, then and only then can we, we

: 1089

00:52:31,890 --> 00:52:33,600

can't control what other people say or do.

: 1090

00:52:33,750 --> 00:52:33,870

Right.

: 1091

00:52:33,870 --> 00:52:34,141

But we can.

: 1092

00:52:34,146 --> 00:52:34,515

Right, right.

: 1093

00:52:34,770 --> 00:52:37,740

We can create an environment

where the other person feels

: 1094

00:52:37,740 --> 00:52:39,960

psychologically safe to maybe take down.

: 1095

00:52:40,365 --> 00:52:44,984

Their walls a little bit and facilitate

real, commun real connection and

: 1096

00:52:44,984 --> 00:52:50,475

communication that crosses gender,

that crosses orientation or skin color.

: 1097

00:52:50,895 --> 00:52:56,085

And if you're still shut down, I want

listeners, I want you to hear this.

: 1098

00:52:56,085 --> 00:52:59,565

The universe is actively

contriving for you to succeed.

: 1099

00:53:01,515 --> 00:53:06,615

It is actively contriving

for you to succeed.

: 1100

00:53:06,734 --> 00:53:09,734

So if there's a, a little

resistance there, that's what

: 1101

00:53:09,734 --> 00:53:11,234

I meant by not working hard.

: 1102

00:53:11,265 --> 00:53:12,944

Don't fight the resistance pivot.

: 1103

00:53:13,335 --> 00:53:17,055

That's your sign to shift because the

current of the universe will carry you

: 1104

00:53:17,055 --> 00:53:18,855

forward beyond what you think you can do.

: 1105

00:53:19,065 --> 00:53:19,335

I

: 1106

00:53:19,335 --> 00:53:19,725

Tony Tidbit: love it.

: 1107

00:53:19,935 --> 00:53:20,444

I love it.

: 1108

00:53:20,685 --> 00:53:21,165

I love it.

: 1109

00:53:21,285 --> 00:53:21,825

My girl.

: 1110

00:53:22,035 --> 00:53:22,755

Preach.

: 1111

00:53:23,384 --> 00:53:25,125

Tell 'em what time it is, Sima.

: 1112

00:53:27,345 --> 00:53:29,355

No, that is awesome my girl.

: 1113

00:53:29,355 --> 00:53:33,495

And thank you for that because

you are a hundred percent right.

: 1114

00:53:33,884 --> 00:53:36,825

Um, any anything else you wanna leave?

: 1115

00:53:36,855 --> 00:53:38,565

'cause you just left a bomb right there.

: 1116

00:53:38,565 --> 00:53:41,745

And I think that should

resonate to any everyone who's

: 1117

00:53:41,745 --> 00:53:43,035

listening and watching this.

: 1118

00:53:43,035 --> 00:53:43,605

Anything else?

: 1119

00:53:43,605 --> 00:53:44,115

My sister.

: 1120

00:53:44,835 --> 00:53:45,944

Seema Desai: Uh, no.

: 1121

00:53:45,944 --> 00:53:50,924

Not, I mean, I, I think I love to talk

so I don't wanna overwhelm and I think

: 1122

00:53:50,924 --> 00:53:52,455

I'm just gonna stop it right there.

: 1123

00:53:52,455 --> 00:53:58,005

I welcome any questions or feedback

or, you know, anything like that.

: 1124

00:53:58,005 --> 00:54:02,475

I'm on social, so if anybody wants

to reach out and pick, pick my

: 1125

00:54:02,475 --> 00:54:03,615

brain on something I've said here.

: 1126

00:54:03,615 --> 00:54:04,545

I'm, I welcome that.

: 1127

00:54:05,085 --> 00:54:07,035

Tony Tidbit: Well, listen,

you've been given so much.

: 1128

00:54:07,350 --> 00:54:10,170

Today, how can A Black Executive

Perspective podcast help you?

: 1129

00:54:10,860 --> 00:54:14,370

Seema Desai: Well, um, I have two things.

: 1130

00:54:14,370 --> 00:54:18,569

One, I'm actively looking for

speaking roles and things like that.

: 1131

00:54:18,569 --> 00:54:23,009

Like I, I am developing two

keynotes, um, and I love speaking.

: 1132

00:54:23,009 --> 00:54:24,450

I love connecting with people this way.

: 1133

00:54:24,450 --> 00:54:26,490

Podcasting is just the

virtual way of doing that.

: 1134

00:54:27,060 --> 00:54:32,069

And so if there's, if there's anything,

any of your listeners have an event that

: 1135

00:54:32,069 --> 00:54:34,410

you'd like me to, to be at, um, reach out.

: 1136

00:54:34,410 --> 00:54:37,500

And then the other thing too is if

you're looking for one-on-one support,

: 1137

00:54:38,009 --> 00:54:42,180

um, Tony, you know this, you and I've

talked about it, the Energy Leadership

: 1138

00:54:42,210 --> 00:54:44,730

Index assessment, um, and, and debrief.

: 1139

00:54:44,730 --> 00:54:48,750

This is such a great way to get a handle

on very many of the things we talked

: 1140

00:54:48,750 --> 00:54:50,490

about in this podcast episode today.

: 1141

00:54:50,790 --> 00:54:52,350

It's about managing your energy.

: 1142

00:54:52,964 --> 00:54:53,294

Right.

: 1143

00:54:53,294 --> 00:54:57,674

And so anyone can take an assessment,

but this is not a, a strengths finder.

: 1144

00:54:57,674 --> 00:54:59,205

This is not a personality test.

: 1145

00:54:59,234 --> 00:55:04,455

This is literally a map of your energy

and how you show up in situations

: 1146

00:55:04,455 --> 00:55:07,125

when you're stressed, when you're not

stressed, and how you're making decisions.

: 1147

00:55:07,634 --> 00:55:11,535

So when we can get an awareness of

this, and then you get guided through

: 1148

00:55:11,535 --> 00:55:15,915

a, in a private session with me,

here's what, here's what we know

: 1149

00:55:15,915 --> 00:55:17,685

now, what do you wanna do about it?

: 1150

00:55:17,685 --> 00:55:20,955

You can create a bespoke action plan

to help you actually get to that

: 1151

00:55:20,955 --> 00:55:25,125

next level and make, make decisions

about what's gonna actually serve

: 1152

00:55:25,125 --> 00:55:26,774

you and what you wanna put down.

: 1153

00:55:27,314 --> 00:55:32,569

Um, I've had some incredible client

client stories that just, even just

: 1154

00:55:32,569 --> 00:55:37,004

in the one session, if they never even

get a full 12 session package that I

: 1155

00:55:37,004 --> 00:55:40,154

offer for private coaching, even the

one session is really, really helpful.

: 1156

00:55:40,154 --> 00:55:43,665

So if you're interested in looking

at that or learning more about

: 1157

00:55:43,665 --> 00:55:46,634

that, it's dr sema desai.com/

: 1158

00:55:46,694 --> 00:55:47,504

EI.

: 1159

00:55:47,535 --> 00:55:49,490

And I'm sure, Tony, you're gonna

have this in the show notes as well.

: 1160

00:55:50,115 --> 00:55:50,895

Tony Tidbit: There's no question.

: 1161

00:55:50,895 --> 00:55:51,345

Say that.

: 1162

00:55:51,345 --> 00:55:52,245

Say the website again.

: 1163

00:55:52,544 --> 00:55:55,665

Seema Desai: It's dr Seema Desai.com.

: 1164

00:55:55,875 --> 00:56:02,654

So D-R-S-E-E-M-A-D-E-S-A i.com/e

: 1165

00:56:02,654 --> 00:56:03,435

LI.

: 1166

00:56:04,694 --> 00:56:06,674

Tony Tidbit: That is awesome, my girl.

: 1167

00:56:06,944 --> 00:56:14,444

Thank you so much for your

energy, your expertise, your

: 1168

00:56:14,444 --> 00:56:16,245

love of your fellow human being.

: 1169

00:56:16,544 --> 00:56:16,665

Mm-hmm.

: 1170

00:56:16,845 --> 00:56:22,814

Um, I am so happy that you are on A Black

Executive Perspective podcast today.

: 1171

00:56:23,174 --> 00:56:24,705

You filled my spirit up.

: 1172

00:56:25,305 --> 00:56:29,055

You gave me a lot of different antidotes

to be able to utilize, and so I'm

: 1173

00:56:29,055 --> 00:56:35,924

recommending that anyone that wants to

know more definitely dive into sema, check

: 1174

00:56:35,924 --> 00:56:40,484

her out at her website, um, and also leave

us feedback and stuff to that nature.

: 1175

00:56:40,725 --> 00:56:42,015

But I wanna thank Dr.

: 1176

00:56:42,020 --> 00:56:46,605

Sema Desai for appearing on A Black

Executive Perspective podcast.

: 1177

00:56:46,845 --> 00:56:48,314

Seema Desai: Thank you

guys so much for having me.

: 1178

00:56:49,170 --> 00:56:54,420

Tony Tidbit: So now I think it's time

for Tony's tidbit and the tidbit today.

: 1179

00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:57,330

Burnout doesn't prove your worth.

: 1180

00:56:57,870 --> 00:57:02,820

It proves you've been given too much to

things that will never love you back.

: 1181

00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:06,390

Choose peace over proving.

: 1182

00:57:07,290 --> 00:57:08,640

And you heard a lot of that.

: 1183

00:57:09,285 --> 00:57:10,455

From our friend, Dr.

: 1184

00:57:10,455 --> 00:57:13,964

Seema Desai so don't forget to check out.

: 1185

00:57:14,745 --> 00:57:16,575

This week's Need To Know by Dr.

: 1186

00:57:16,575 --> 00:57:19,545

Nsenga Burton on A Black

Executive Perspective podcast.

: 1187

00:57:19,725 --> 00:57:20,069

Dr.

: 1188

00:57:20,069 --> 00:57:23,745

Burton dies into the timely and

crucial topics that shape our

: 1189

00:57:23,745 --> 00:57:27,555

community and world, things that

you don't have time to check out.

: 1190

00:57:27,795 --> 00:57:32,535

You can watch her or listen to her,

and she'll educate you and deepen your

: 1191

00:57:32,535 --> 00:57:34,365

understanding of the issues that matter.

: 1192

00:57:34,515 --> 00:57:35,505

You don't want to miss.

: 1193

00:57:35,935 --> 00:57:37,165

Need to know by Dr.

: 1194

00:57:37,165 --> 00:57:40,435

Nsenga Burton on A Black

Executive Perspective podcast.

: 1195

00:57:40,435 --> 00:57:43,705

And definitely don't miss

our next episode of Pull Up.

: 1196

00:57:43,705 --> 00:57:44,335

Speak Up.

: 1197

00:57:44,545 --> 00:57:48,625

Where our round table dives into

the most provocative issues.

: 1198

00:57:48,865 --> 00:57:53,425

We have bold, unfiltered voices

that have sharp perspectives.

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This is real talk.

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These are everyday individuals

sharing their perspectives

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on the things that matter.

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Tune in.

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It's not just a re uh, a

episode, it's a revolution.

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So as most of you know, and for those

who don't, if this is your first time

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listening or watching A Black Executive

Perspective podcast, our goal, our

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00:58:13,495 --> 00:58:19,045

call to action, our mission is to

decrease all forms of discrimination.

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And the way we're asking everyone to

do this is with the acronym called

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less, LESS and L stands for learn.

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You wanna educate yourself on racial

and cultural nuances, the more that

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you can learn about people that you

don't know is going to enlighten you.

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And then after you learn, you have the

letter E, which stands for empathy.

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Now since you've learned, now you

can put yourself in your other

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brothers and sisters shoes 'cause you

understand where they're coming from.

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And then after empathy, you have

the first S, which is share.

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Now you wanna share what you've learned

and the new insights you have to other

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people so they can become enlightened.

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And then the fight os is Stop.

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We wanna stop.

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You wanna stop discrimination

as it walks in your path.

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So if I.

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Or Uncle Joe says something at the

Sunday dinner table that's inappropriate.

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You say, aunt Jenny, uncle

Joe, we don't believe that.

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We don't say that.

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And you stop it right there.

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So if everyone can incorporate less, LESS

will build a more fair, more understanding

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world and we'll all see the change that we

wanna see, because less will become more.

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Don't forget to follow A Black Executive's

Perspective podcast on YouTube, apple,

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00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:52,980

Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.

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And you can follow us on our socials

of LinkedIn, X YouTube, TikTok,

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00:59:58,230 --> 01:00:03,900

Instagram, Facebook at a black

exec for our fabulous guests, Dr.

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Seema Desai.

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Want to thank her?

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Uh, I'm your co.

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I'm your host, Tony Tidbit.

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We talked about it.

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We learned about it today.

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We laughed about it.

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We're still going to strive about it.

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And guess what?

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We are gonna be a lot easier,

but we're gonna thrive about it.

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We love you.

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And now it's time for us to get out

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01:00:29,370 --> 01:00:31,980

A Black Executive Perspective.